A
male
age
51-59,
*ammy1969
writes:Where do I start I have been seeing my partner of a year I'm 41 she is 42 we both have kids everything was amazing till I very stupidly one night I was waiting on here to return from work and I used her pc I was fed up been working since 5 am was still up at midnight waiting on her to come home, I was looking through different sites and looked at an escort site don't ask me why I honestly don't know I have never cheated and never would and would certainty not pay for sex,Anyways she found it in her history next day and blew her top I love her so much but I cannot convince her I had no intention of doing anything trust is an issue for her as she has been badly hurt in past I so want to fix this any ideas
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Sorry to say, but this is a sign of problems to come in this relationship. When women (and men) react like she is to things like this then it is a sign of insecurities. If you actually contacted the site or an escort then that is a different matter and she should be concerned.
I have looked at sites like this. A couple of years ago, I was wondering what the women in the Nevada, USA brothels looked like, so I did a search and checked out the sites. My wife came in and saw it and figured I was just looking at porn, so I told her what I was looking at. She sat down and wanted to see what the women looked like and we checked out about 5 different brothels, checking prices and the various women. Big deal. I also found a review site of the brothels and women and read some of the reviews to her. We got a few laughs and discussed some of the comments.
Another time, I decided to look at one of the affair sites and signed up to see if I got any legitimate offers from women. Nothing. The next week, my wife signed up to see how she would do. Seven offers in one day. One guy offered to pay her to travel about 200 miles. I teased her and she teased me about her obvious greater sexual desirability than me (as if I already didn't know) and we quit the site. Just curiosity, no harm done.
From the answers I see here, it appears that very few women can understand this looking and curiosity. Perhaps my wife is unusual, but it is really more of a matter of trust and security in the relationship. It has to go both ways though. Would you feel worried if she was looking at dating sites? If not, then good. If you would feel threatened, then you should be able to understand her reaction.
I don't know what to tell you to do to help the situation, as I have never had to come with an excuse for the things that I do. I've had to apologize for an argument, but never for looking at other women and she has never had to apologize for looking at other men.
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Ouch. That's a tough one. Most women just don't understand that a guy may just look at that type of site for fun. At one point all guys have checked out those sites. And no, it doesn't mean you're looking because you are actually interested.
Not sure what advice to give you. I just wanted to vouch for you and say it's not THAT crazy.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (24 May 2010):
 It's sort of a smoking gun, situation, isn't it? There's the body of evidence, you're holding the proverbial smoking gun, insisting that you had no intentions of doing the deed, but what's it look like, my friend? Something of a catch-22, so this is where your established history comes into play. Do you have a history where she's concerned of being a straight up guy? If so, then you should maintain your innocence based upon established precedent. If you've given good, solid reason to believe you're a slithering snake, then my friend, you're cold busted. Choose wisely and proceed with care and due caution. If she's worth it to you, you'll find your way. Good luck to you!
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A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Many times, cheating doesn't start out as an "intent to..." It starts out exactly as what you did, pretty innocent, curious, yada, yada, yada. It can develop into a problem and has for many people. She is not wrong to be concerned. If she is still speaking to you, let her know that you were bored and playing around but did not consider anything seriously. Apologize for being a buffoon and ask her how you can make it up to her. Then, drop it. Don't get on the internet for any reason unless absolutely necessary and then, keep it short and to the point. Be the perfect partner showing her how much you love HER. Act mature and responsible. Give her a little time, she will get over it. Remember, ALL actions have a reaction. Decide prior to your action what outcome you would like and then act appropriately.
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A
female
reader, Keonna +, writes (24 May 2010):
 ok....first tell her that you were just tired and that you were just bored. and i get that sometimes people lie on ((not that im accusing you,mate)) but the truth is the best way to go.if you were just bored tell her that ((with flowers and something she likes,mate)) and if she dont believe show her the history on your computer and the history on hers.if you would see other than that escort site there is nothing else dirty. ((right mate?)) and oh yeah when you prove you wont lying ((hope you werent mate)) dont show off...it'll only turn her off... and oh yeah promise you'll never do such a stupid thing again and that your her honey to her pooh bear ((out of ides,mate out of ideas)) i hope that works...D-U-C-E-S
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