A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just want to find out if this is normal or... something else? I have been in a long term serious relationship for the past 8 years but lately I have been thinking about other people. One person in particular. It is someone I used to like and we have been talking. I know we shouldn't be talking because, there's a little piece of me that has always cared for him. Years ago, he was with someone and so we never really got together. Now he is alone and I am with someone. I just don't know what to do. I feel like there's something lacking in my relationship that I could get from this other guy. But, how would I know? I don't want to give up everything I have now for this fluke guy? Ideas? Will this feeling go away or am I doomed ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I suppose that is the problem. That's a whole other story, ha! My current bf does not believe in the concept of marriage and says we will only get married when (??) we have a child. The other guy has been married and divorced (he's 27) and does say he would get married again to the right person. So I'm sure what's intriguing me is the different story, different person, the unknown.
I've had a few talks with him about all of this but not much has come of it. Just that he is 100% committed to me but he doesn't think I am committed to him.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Hmm...an 8 year relationship. I assume you're not married? Sometimes if a relationship doesn't go forward (i.e. marriage), it can grow stagnant.
You have a choice. It's a gamble, and a big risk. In order to indulge your feelings for this guy, you in fact DO need to give up what you have. You can't cheat on your current boyfriend - that would be the absolute wrong thing to do.
Consider the one you're with. Before you started talking with this "one person in particular", were you still feeling like something is missing in your current relationship? Have you talked about your feelings with your current boyfriend and given him a chance to contribute to the solution?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): This is a tough one because I am in the same situation. I've been with this guy for 5 years but married for 3. There is another guy that has sparked my interest because I noticed that he is giving me the attention that I want which is horrible to say because my husband is definitely not shy in that department. Its the feeling of a new challenge. He is something that you cannot have but can't walk away from. What you have to ask yourself is if this is something that is worth the risk from the safe life that you have now. If you already know that he's a fluke, just keep it friendly and short. I am sure that there is something throughout the course of your friendship that you will find is a turn off. The fact that he's even considering you fully knowing that you are in serious relationship should be a red flag...he lacks the respect for boundaries and if he was with you, what will happen when he's interested in someone else. I would definitely make a pros and cons list of the two, hope this helps, I'm not so good at this advice stuff but at least this is what I've been doing to determine the future of my situation. Good luck and don't worry, you are not alone in this feeling!
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