A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:when my husbands father passed I found out he had a 19 yr old daughter. I have two small children with him, and my parents and my whole family think these are his first kids. Whats worse is being around his family after the fact. Nobody has said anything about her and it is very uncomfortable. should i expect him to tell my family or not? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Your post concerning his lying about his previous marriage and daughter is what bothers me the most.... Why did he find it necessary to perpetrate such a fraud? Why lie about everything. Makes me wonder if he was still married when the two of you got together... I would be very concerned. What other lies are out there? What else is going on that he's shielding you from? Truth be told, I'd be very careful around him and I'd do some investigative work... I bet there is more to uncover.Put a keylogger on his computer, surveillance software on his phone, install a gps tracker on his phone and car... do it all. I think you've learned something about your husband and his capacity to live lies... find out for your own sake... and the sake of your children.Make sure you know who you are married to.
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (18 November 2010):
 I think the most troubling aspect about this situation is that your husband was able to withhold this information from you for so long. Personally, that would eat me up alive! You knew he had a previous marriage… so why would it matter if it lasted 3 years or 14 years? Perhaps he thought you wouldn’t be interested in him if you knew he had a child when you met. Has your husband had contact with his daughter since the two of you married… or do you even know?
While others may not feel it is any business of your parents… for your own sanity, I think you should tell them. Remember… you have done nothing wrong, so there is no need for you to feel guilty or responsible. Initially, your parents will be shocked, but they will get used to the idea in time. If you are close to your parents, they will serve as a support system to help you through this hard time. Remember… you are their daughter, so they have your BEST interest at heart. If your husband cannot tell them himself… you should go ahead and tell them yourself. Trust me… you will feel so much better if you get this off your chest.
I can understand why you feel so uncomfortable around his family now. They have helped your husband harbor these secrets. I have a very close relationship with my parents, but there is no way my parents would ever condone withholding this type of information from a spouse. Ultimately, it was your husband’s responsibility to tell you the truth… not theirs, so try not to judge them too harshly. If it really bothers you, sit them down and let them know that you feel hurt and betrayed. If you don’t feel you can do it in person, write them a letter.
If you don’t get this secret out in the open with your family, how are you going to tell your children that they have a half sister? If you tell them when they are very young… which I believe is best… how do you know they won’t say something about her when they are in the company of your parents? If you decide to keep it a secret from your family and wait til your children are teenagers or adults to tell them they have a half sister… they will experience the same kind of shock you are now going through. And what kind of message will that send them? That it’s some terrible secret… and it’s okay to lie?
Get everything out in the open now. Talk about it and get through it. When you avoid problems… they don’t go away… they simply linger and cause stress.
Please let us know what you decide to do. I wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 November 2010):
 The only person he needs to come clean to is your children, your own family they deserve to know about their half sister..maybe his because that's another grandchild. But I don't understand why he has to tell your side of the family. It's not their grandchild so they have no business in knowing..You can tell them if you want, as in a way to get it off your chest. But really they have no right in knowing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe 19yr old is from his previous marriage of 14yrs, which when i was dating him he told me he was only married for 3 yrs and had no children. Ive told him he is a fraud and i think he needs to come clean with the truth to my family. Its been 6 mos since I found out and its on my mind all the time. what do i do if he keeps refusing to say anything to my family.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 November 2010):
Okay so his father has a hidden 19 year old daughter, or is it your husband? Are you expecting your husband to explain to your children of their long lost aunt?
Please clarify, your post is confusing.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (17 November 2010):
It’s never good to keep secrets… especially ones this big. Somehow, it will rear its head in the future. For that reason, you may as well deal with it now, rather than later. Were you dating or married to your husband when he got this other woman pregnant?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I'm confused, your husband's father is the father of the 19 year old and your two kids?
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