A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a man I met on this blogging website. Naturally people tend to meet kindrid spirits there. I met a man and we both wanted to meet so bad. So we did and hit it off hard. Now we are in a long distance relationship, from florida to idaho... He is finishing up school and we plan to be together. Neither of us have many issues as far as the typical long distance relationship issues. No jealousy at all, we are both emotionally balanced for the most part. I have in the past felt insecure about my own sexuality and expression of it. I have never done the long distance relationship thing... In my past I have defaulted to pushing people away when things look sketchy. Now our situation is that we dont have a lot of hobbies in common so we dont have a lot to talk about. A lot of our conversations seem to revolve around sex, I dont want to mess this up... He is a great guy and I trust him so much. Its just that I am concerned that more and more our conversations are the same.... OOH baby I want you ETC.... :/ I feel like the expression of intense desire so frequently is dulling the meaning of us desiring eachother.... He was a virgin before we met lol... and has no relationship experience at all. I wonder if this may be a case of him not understanding that in order for those moments of passionate expression to be meaningful we have to hold back at times. His sex drive is very high because he has only had a handful of experiences and he was shy when they happened... So I also wonder if this is just him having intense desire as a result of having no sex up until he was 26.. I am really confused because sometimes his out there crazy sexual desires intimidate me. He isnt forceful when I express we need to tone it down, he even picks up on it himself at times... But it ramps up again slowly, I just feel more and more burned out. Like we are running a car engine at too high RPM'S for too long, eventually it will give out. Thats what I keep feeling we are going to do. I care about him so much and I want to do what is good for both of us, I want it to work out and he does too. I just need to know what is right for us before I start trying to make changes. I dont want to rock the boat too much :P
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insecure, jealous, long distance, sex drive, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): a lot of the things we talk about are family, friends, I talk about my interests a lot. We talk about our day... But it all seems to have a center that is sex... We love the same kinds of music and we share music with each other sometimes. But mostly we first connected talking about our past experiences and we were both going through some stressful times a few years back so we got each other through that to. He is so different from any other guy I have been attracted to. He is a "nice guy" just very caring and loving. Very committed which is how I have always been, in the past I have given up on relationships because I saw how those guys didnt know what they wanted. He has made it clear what he wants and I know what I want and that solid ground is something I have never had. He is from a culture I never even knew existed, and well I like that I want to know his family and friends. I have never dated a man with culture. I love all these things about him, these are the things that pulled me closer and closer without me realizing it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Well the blogging website we met on is pretty much a place where people connect based on past experiences. I almost feel like his sexual desires have gotten in the way of us connecting on a deeper level, like we used to. I have known him for 3 years and we were there for each other through some hard times. I helped him when his dad died of cancer and he helped me through various life frustrations. I guess that is how we first got such a deep connection. I live in Idaho and he lives in Florida. I sometimes do feel like giving up because I don't want to tell him how to be. I fell into that trap in a previous relationship. It just led me to feeling like a mom, that was lame. I really care for him so much though, I know I love him. Its just that it seems like ever since we met and did the deed lol it has become his way of talking to me. I agree the man should direct the relationship, but at the same time he has no experience and I see him making classic mistakes like a rookie. I know how hard LDR's are to make work and frankly this is the first man I have grown close to in 5 years, tried and failed with so many its not funny. He does have a life outside of me, in fact I am the one who has few friends. I moved to a small town a year ago, turns out the people here keep to themselves a lot. I have friends about and hour and half away but naturally during these winter months its hard to get to them because of the snow. I don't put all my emotional expectations on him. I am very careful to make sure I am not the one to call him all the time. In fact he mostly calls me. Just the way our schedules are its easier for him to call me. It makes me sad to think him talking about sex could actually be a sign it wont work. I actually like that we have different hobbies because I learn about what he loves and he learns about what I love. But at the same time we don't exactly get into deep conversations about mutual interests which I guess is important to me. I guess what I wanted to know most is if this talking about sex a lot is a toxic thing for us. Sometimes I cant rely on the way I feel to know it is bad, because like I said in the past I have had a hard time with sexual expression along with pushing people away. I am determined to not let my past influence the way we turn out. Up until last June we were friends, we met each other in September. We have plans to see each other again at the end of February. I know he will do what it takes to make it work between us, he is just that way. Is it possible if we pull back on the sex talk we will start connecting the way we did the years prior to this encounter? I have mentioned the desire to find common interests. As of yet what I love he doesnt think about much. What he loves is his family and friends in FL I know about them but have never met them, I have no way of really being involved in that. I own my own business and cant take vacations to Florida. I have nobody who can take care of things while I am gone. I really want this to work out I know women tend to emasculate men when they direct the relationship. He seems to be just getting his footing and learning how relationships work. I am not controlling at all and will gladly hand over the reigns once I see he gets into the rhythm of how healthy relationships flow. Hope my message wasnt too long lol thanks for your help :) I was getting a little stir crazy about the whole thing for a while there.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 December 2012):
 "Sounds" like you've found yourself a compatible "phone-" and "cyber-sex" partner......
What you've described is a little short of realistic... but it can be fun, until life bursts in and makes you see just what you (and he) "have".....
Prepared yourself for facing the "facts of life"... and allow that you may be disappointed..... but, then, remember that you are young.... and life WILL go on... even if this "LDR" doesn't go on indefinitely....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 It seems that you are the one to take the lead in the relationship because he doesn't know what to say or what to do at the right moment. Call me old fashioned but I like men and women to have defined roles. Attraction always work best when the men make decisions, have more experience and take your hand. We also want the men to have a life outside of the women, and not become too consumed by sexual desires. This is not something you can explain to him. Just wondering which one of you are in Florida, and in Idaho? Is career prospect good in either state?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2012):
 if you have nothing to talk about other than sex what keeps you tied to each other?
Other than sex what do you talk about?
how often do you two see each other IRL?
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