A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:To start out, I'm currently not in a relationship but I am in love with someone. Here's a bit of a background, I was an expat in Asia and he was an exchange student. So the story begins like this...This past summer I met a beautiful Brazilian guy at a bar. I didn't think anything of it at first, nor did I want anything to do with him during our first couple of interactions. The first time we met, I suspected that he was very smooth and charming...so I had some suspicions about him. During our first encounter, he actually was by himself at the bar, and I asked him for a chair from his table and later invited him over to join my friends and I. It was just a friendly gesture, as I have no interests in seeing anyone because my contract was coming to an end and I would be leaving by the end of the summer. Well, he joined our table, we all had a really good time chatting. Then, he wanted some one-on-one time; so we played some pool and talked. We talked about dating the natives, and he admitted of casually date people and never see them again, and then he interjected with he hope it will not be like that with me. I asked why that was, and his response was "You're interesting". I had lost at pool, even though we never made a bet, he asked for a reward for winning. He said he wanted three kisses; one on each cheek and one on the lips. As I went in just for a peck, he pulled me in for a kiss. We ended up making out and the end of the night, when we all headed out of the bar,he asked to come home with me. I flat out said no, but he kept on trying...for the next month every time we hang out. I suspected his aggressiveness is partly due to the Brazilian in him.For a month I kept punishing him away, mainly because of the age difference (he's 3 years younger, and I'm in my mid-twenties), physically--wasn't what I'm used to dating, and he was what I perceived as "too smooth", I didn't want a player. But, the more time I spent with him, the more I liked him so I gave in. He was passionate, sincere, and smarter than I thought. So I said to myself, "Oh hell, I only have a month left, might as well have fun."The month that we were actually together, we spent almost everyday together. We went on trips together, cooked dinner, he walked me to work, ect. It was fun, light, and no pressure, because we both know I was leaving.But, what I didn't expect was him leaving me, instead of the other way around. Two weeks before I left, he had left for a job and internship in another city. We had to say good-bye, and I couldn't stop crying that day. After his taxi took off, he sent a message stating it made him sad to see me cry, he didn't regret that time we spent together and he enjoyed the time spent with me and hoped we stay friends. The day before I left for the airport, he came to see me and took me to the airport the next day. Carried all my things, and was an absolute gentleman. During out second good-bye, I just broke down again and cried. I remember he just stood there watching me live with this hard intense stare. It was a heart wrenching moment for me, because this had only been the second time that I felt something like this for another person.We kept in touch regularly when I was on my vacation before coming home. At one point, when I was in Europe, I was just depressed by the romantic atmosphere so I told him how I felt. I told him that I felt silly for feeling like I would be cheating on him if I was to date other people. He told me he felt the same and confessed he hadn't dated anyone else for that reason, then stated, "I don't like the idea of you dating other people, but I know it will happen sooner or later. You should know that you can date whenever you're ready, and I will still love you. As a friend." He added if he got another opportunity to date me, he wouldn't turn it down. That was two months ago. We still keep in contact now, we talk as friends, but our conversations always end with kisses and hearts--which friends don't necessary do. But, he's Brazilian so who knows, maybe they do that with friends in Brazil. Well, I still have strong feelings for him and can't seem to move on, or unwilling to move on because of these intense emotions. I confessed to him the other day about how much I miss him and love him. I told him he didn't have to say anything back, but he confessed full on that he misses me a lot and loves me also and wished we had more time to get to know each other. I'm not ruling him out as of right now, because if I could be with him again I would. But, our circumstances are different and so are priorities--I think. He lives in Brazil, and I live in the US. I'm about to go for my masters, and he still has a couple more years of undergrad. I want him to come to the US to study, but he hates the US. I would go to Brazil if he asks me to for a few months, but can't stay because of school. He joked about me coming to where he lives so I can practice pronouncing his name because I can't say my "R". But, that's about it.I know what I should do--move on and let things take its natural course, but in my heart I keep wishing he would just be selfish and say, "come to Brazil and see me." Or "I'm coming to the U.S" What is your advice on my situation? or what is your take on it? Thank you everyone for your time and input.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Thank you for your response. I have done LDR for 2.5 years with a guy from Germany. And I after that relationship, I vowed to do it again. I would have keep it open, and have no restrictions. I don't having a short-term LDR if I know we will be together physically. But, with our situations it is difficult, because we only got to know each other one-on-one for a month. That a very short time. And the guy is very philosophical, so I know he will let the situation take its natural course--whatever that is. School starts for me the summer, so I was thinking with some free time, I could travel to South America and find some work. I've brought it up to him around Brazil and he seems happy, but I want a little bit more encouragement from him. That's also another problem, he's not in Brazil right now and won't be back until his exchange year is over, which is in 3 more months. Like you said, I don't want to force things. That's why I confessed to him how I really feel, but didn't bring up the topic of meeting up and trying again. I want him to be the one to initiate it. He has said it before, if he had the opportunity to be with me again, he wouldn't turn it down. But, for now, it's difficult for me to move on because I can't stop thinking about him. And it is sucking up ALL of my time. I believe everything happens for a reason, so we'll see how this will work out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): thank you for your response. I'm very hesitant to have another LDR, as I did for 2.5 years, and my ex ended up cheating on me and blamed me for his cheating. He was über jealous and immature. After him, I told myself I'm done with LDR. I'm open to it if it's only short-term. But, since we both have school going on in two different continent, it's difficult to have a relationship. I haven't thought about going to Brazil for school, because we're not even in a relationship. I have 8 months before school start, so my thought was I could go live in and work (if I can find a job) in Brazil for a few months and give us a go to see how it works out. But, currently he is still finishing up his year in Asia, so won't be back to Brazil for a another 3-4 months. He's a very philosophical person, so he will let this thing take its natural course. But, he stated before if that if he could be with me again he would. I just don't know when that will be. We only knew each other really one-on-one for one month, and I think we both didn't expect to feel this way about each other.I feel like I have put a lot of myself out there to make sure to let him know how I feel. And I want him to take the next step and possible just have an open discussion with me about how he feels and what he wants. Like you said, I don't want to be pushy, so now I'm trying to sit back and let him take over--if he ever will. With that said, I can sit back and not do anything, but I still constantly think about it, and it sucks up ALL of my time and it takes it away from me opening up myself to other people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): That's a tough one! If you love him enough, could you go to a university in Brazil? How many more months until you finish your degree? Time will only tell but you're both young, and whatever is meant to be, will be. I have previously had 2 long distance relationships. One of them "went on" with his life and ended up dating someone else. The other one wanted to get married to me, but I was not ready for that at that point in my life. All this to say that you have a certain amount of control over things. However, if you find yourself pushing too hard to make things work and they are not going according to plan, then perhaps destiny is saying otherwise. I'm a big believer of that.
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