A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 42 and yes might be too old to be writing to you but dont know what to do or who to turn to as im feeling really down and depressed and keep crying. i feel that im worthless and undervalued due to lack of self esteem and no real friends to socialise with. I feel that im not pretty as i wear glasses but the main thing i hate is that i have horrible crooked teeth, top ones due to overcrowding and this affects my confidence which is very low and i want to have nice teeth and this will boost my confidence as i want to feel more attractive and confident as i know that is what is preventing me making friends and socialising outside of work i live away from home as moved to new area re job transfer and this gets me down as not see family as much as id like to and work colleagues never socialise with me and that upsets me too. just dont know what to do, I'm feeling lonely and desperate please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): If your teeth are really bad and getting you down I think you owe it to yourself and your sense of pride to get them improved in some way at the dentist. If you find out the cost of this treatment you have a goal. That goal should be a huge motivation for you. On no account should you get into debt trying to pay for expensive treatment but if you can set about saving up for it then it is a step in the right direction. There are lots of ways - take up an additional hobby that can earn money, sell things on an online auction site, work some extra hours if you possibly can. These extra activities will also generate new friends or work colleagues and expand your social network while in fact you are earning money. If you lack confidence to meet people 'full-on' you can try some online groups first - people with shared interests and then branch out into things that interest you. I get the feeling you have had a few knock backs and it takes a lot to get yourself out there again. All I can say is your issues with your teeth are your own and that is fine - change them if you can but do it for YOURSELF because you want to not because of other people. If people around you are shallow or not interested in you then find people that are - they are out there. I felt very much like you until my recent 37th birthday and with a total of 2 birthday cards I decided enough was enough. Since then I have literally thrown myself into trying new things. I'm even doing a 5k run for a charity which is forcing me to get on the treadmill at the local gym and has given me some focus. I have found that the more I commit to (some small things day to day and some more challenging like the charity run) the more I am getting my sense of self worth back. I am no longer feeling as though I am defined by my currently small number of friends but by the things I am doing for me and others. I hope this helps you. Please don't feel desperate because you will always find help on this site from people that care about other people :-)
A
female
reader, jd0230  +, writes (3 May 2009):
I tell you what, my teeth are just as bad. I have three sets instead of two. I also have buck teeth, which it took me a long time to get over. Financially i am not set to fix them and as a child my parents never saved up to help me with that. So on top of dealing with the self-esteem i have to deal with bitterness towards my parents. But i am not here to dwell. I am very happy, because i have realized that with the bad comes the good. Not only do i have an easier time which people are worth socializing with, but i have some true friends because of my teeth.
It does take time to find them real people, as i am sure you know. But like holly said, you are just in a funk. From the bottom of my heart, i believe that you have the strength to pull yourself out of this one! You are just being you worst enemy once again. I am glad that i am not the only one out there feeling like this, but i have found a local library to divulge myself in at the moment until something better comes along. I have also forced myself to go out alone and out of comfortability zone just so i can build my strength to fight self-esteem. Im not sure if any of this is helpful, but hopefully you enjoy the wonderful things in life and find your happiness through all the bad. And helping others def. helps you feel better. I dont think i can give better advise than holly. :) Keep your head up.
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