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*udee2
writes:This is not really a cupid kind of question. I just quit a very public social job and am working a very different kind of job doing counseling work. All of a sudden I am feeling very lonely and isolated. It's scary. Can someone advise me? Real sympathy would be appreciated. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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reader, judee2 +, writes (31 October 2010):
judee2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice. I have reconnected to my sister and mother over this episode. Things are slowly beginning to normalize and I am starting to see some hope again. I also believe my thyroid went haywire so I'm taking care of that. Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Hi - I am in the process of doing a similar thing. I had a very 'team' focused job, creative, great social aspect and now I am looking to work for myself and I am already feeling the isolation its horrible - plus friends have stopped calling because they just don't see me so its twice as hard. One thing I have learnt is that belonging to something is important so is social interaction - face to face. I am planning to volunteer once a week for a local charity and I am also going to join a social group - trying to find likeminded people. Have you looked at meetup.com? I found this really inspiring - have a look at see if there is something in your area.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Hi Judee,
Wow, that sounds very tough. It's difficult to switch jobs. Even when your role isn't changing that much, dealing with a new workplace, new colleagues, new procedures can all feel very scary and intimidating, and it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and lonely. On top of that, you've switched into an entirely different role, with a very different relationship to the people around you. No wonder you're struggling!
The first thing to say is that it WILL seem a lot less new as the days go by. As you get to know people better, things will seem less scary and more homely and familiar. You'll likely make some great new friends in the process. So hang in there. It gets easier.
Secondly, the role of a counsellor is a very difficult one to take on, and it IS isolating. People confide in you with absolute trust all day, revealing things they'd never dream of speaking about to others. Yet they are not friends but clients and professionalism demands that you don't feel connected with them, but act as a distant (yet warm and empathetic) advisor. I think if you talked to most people in the profession they would understand completely the feelings you are describing. It is not at all easy always to be the selfless listener.
You are constantly putting your own needs aside to care for others, which is very wonderful and caring of you. But please don't forget that you yourself are also a person with needs, demands, and wants that are important and legitimate. It's important that you have times in the day where you have your 'normal' hat on, not your 'counsellor' hat, that you have times when you can ask for care and attention for yourself - or just to kick back and have some fun!
Why not try to bracket off a bit of time for this each day? Arrange time for coffee or lunch out with your colleagues and coworkers. Or even volunteer to make a cup of coffee in the office between clients. You'll be surprised how quickly you can make friends this way. Be a bit imaginative and creative about arranging social events - this time of year gives you loads of excuses. Arrange a Halloween themed coffee morning with bright orange cakes, a pre-Thanksgiving muffin session, a Christmas meal out... you'll soon be the most popular member of the office! And don't forget drinks after work, too - it can really help to chill out with a glass of wine after a tough day.
But don't neglect old friends either. I'm sure they want to hear about how you're finding the new role. Get yourself a calendar and arrange plenty of meet ups!
Finally, remind yourself that while the job may seem isolating at times, you're making a real difference to the lives of others. You're a very kind, caring person.
Take care.
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