A
female
age
51-59,
*ummerdreams1006
writes:Hi i am new to this site and in need of help! i pretty much already know i am a co-dependant person, i always have been i think .it developed young from growing up in an abusive home but i have 3 teenage children and am living with a heroin addict that i love or maybe used to love but now feel the need to try to help i have tried to throw him out repeatedly asked him to just leave if he loves me to just set me free and go but he always says he will but never goes he tries to act within a day or 2 like everything is ok again and its not . He has almost died twice not from drugs but from a condition he was born with that drs just finally diagnosed after his last near death experience about 2 months ago both times i got him to hospital just in time and was the only 1 there for him through his recovery and to pay for his uninsured antibiotics .anyway he is an addict he steals from me every chance he gets has stolen jewelry my kids ps2 video game collection and then denies it but i know . He has femily but not in this state and not much of a support being far away etc.. He used to be a nice guy i have never been with or around heavy drugs like heroin so it took me a long time to tell when he was high . He hasnt worked in 2 of the 2 and a half years we have been together and barely looks for work . He is 43 years old has a son that he abandoned at 2 years old and is now 13 has never supported him in any way . He sits around the house all the time and the only time he seems to help out is when he is high . He always wants to go out and hang out at halfway houses with his other addict buddies or hang out with his dealer buddies on the streets and lies to me about where he is . But is never capable of hanging around or being able to make friends with people that dont or never have abused drugs . I am scared to be alone where i am currently living and awaiting an emergency transfer to a new housing development and i think he prays upon this because he knows i am scared to live here alone with my 3 boys because of the high crime so i am trying to hold out and wait for my transfer and get rid of him then but he is making me feel like im going crazy every time he goes out i have to ru and start taking inventory of my belongings to make sure he didnt get anything this tim also he has an active warrant for his arrest beacuse he was supposed to do community service by this past sept in leu of fines but never did and never showed up and this was his 3rd chance given by the court he has an extensive record for drugs but hasnt been busted for 3 years ..YET. this is an old charge in the past 6 months he has been on the suboxone clinic but abused that so got kicked off for failing urine for heroin been to detox 3 times in past 3 months and got kicked out of halfway house for failing urine even though he swore it was a mistake he didnt use . He has been using heroin for 15 years at least on and off and coke before that been to detox over 15 times . I don't believe he has ever in his life had a place of his own for more than a year instead he seems to always find a sucker to live off of he all the time preaches the word of god but he is a phony however this guy has a huge self esteem literally cannot walk by a mirror or window without checking himself out spends sometimes hours in the mirror . He also has a incredible appetite for sugary items loves candy sometimes will eat bags of it in a day is this part of the heroin addiction ? Should this tell me if he is activley using he doesnt shoot up he likes to snort it says to me when he does it he doesnt bring it in my home he does it before he comes . I can tell when he is high now because his activity level is up and mood and he has pinned pupils and slurred dragging speech are there other ways i can tell when someone snorts . I dont really have a life outside the home because i have 3 teens and am a single mom and 2 of my teens are significantly disabled and still learning the area i just relocated to 1 year ago and the city is very busy so i am intimidated partially from my past of being a victim of domestic abuse . I dont want to be in this relationship anymore but am scared by my environment and my past has helped make me that way and we fight constantly over his drug problem when i can tell he is high or lying to me or ripped me off and denies it but he always says he cant talk to me or im messed up or crazy or don't know what im talking about . I need help / advice to get out of this mess if he cannot get money out of me he stalks me follows me everywhere begging me for anything even if it is my last fewdollars and my kids need it for medicine ..etc . and he doesnt stop sometimes for days until i give it or if i dont he disappears for hours then comes back with no explanation and when i ask for one he either lies about where he was or says he was at a meeting of hanging out getting support but not using saying im out of my mind for accusing him when i see the pinned pupils etc.. I f i am not giving him the money i thing he is downtown begging or i don't know what . He is now trying to get on methadone but i dont believe it is because he want to be clean i think its for the free high cause we have free clinics in this area . Can someone please offer me some support i really need some help getting him out he isnt going to go willingly i don't want to but should i turn him in anonymously on his warrant and just have the police show up by suprize and take him but will he get out in a couple days again after this is the 3rd time for same charge . His family is coming to see him from florida on the 28th but they wont help they will not take him in they will just visit and send him right back for me to deal with i know this because it is the way its always been and if they did offer to take him back with then he would just get clean until he set up a dealer in the new area and started ripping them off again . What do i do how do i get up on my feet again and rid myself of this i dont ever want to have to deal with an overdose accident or have him get busted near or in my home with anything i am on housing and it will cost me that and more importantly my boys and he has cost me enough . Thank you in advance for any support you can offer .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): I fell into severe lust with a drug addict and ended up marrying him. He told me he wanted to get clean and that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. When he got "clean" from meth and coke, his drinking got worse and he would go into rages and abuse me verbally and emotionally and eventually started blaming me for keeping him from being able to do drugs! He wanted to break my spirit, my soul because HE felt so broken. Just about ALL substance abusers have deep psychological and spiritual issues they are avoiding by using and they don't care about you, they are not connected to real feelings. I feel my husband loved me because of what I did for him. He would "see the light" for about 3 days and then go get high or drunk and talk about how unfair life has always been to him and how abused he was as a child. When I had a nervous breakdown and wasn't functioning at full speed he made me feel terrible about myself, that I was weak and how he could be bored by himself. He was awful to me even though I was supposedly the best thing to ever happen to him. I have left the relationship and am becoming whole again as I was before except that I've realized that the fact that I accepted his insanity in the beginning showed me I have some issues of my own to work on. I was addicted to him for how he looked. He's a stunning good looking man and I sold my soul for the sake of my ego, BUT, I am healing and feeling like myself again now that he is out of my life. Thank GOD. He did not break me entirely :) There is hope. I am asking God's will be done.. not mine, but God's. He knows better than I what would truly make me happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Hi i wanted to thank everyone for there responses and support . I have called the police and gotten rid of my boyfriend it was very hard to do and some days it is still hard but i know everyday it will get easier and that i did the right thing for myself and my children . My advice to anyone else living with an addict is please get them out they will destroy you slowly . You must reach into yourself with everything you have and just say goodbye its only been 2 weeks for me now but i grow stronger each day and my children are so happy again its amazing the feeling inside me . It is never easy to let go but i promise you it will be the best decision you could ever make for yourself and your children . thanks again to ev1 and godbless and remember be strong
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): I feel at whitts ends with my addict hes holding down his job and has been there 12 years but thats Not the problem....Its is addiction any thing from pill popping and i mean hard drugs to the drink.....He is in such denial!!Hopitalist 3 times from drug overdoses rehab 2 times and many many broken promises and blatently lies to your face i no longer trust him and after being with him for 13 yrs i feel like throwing in the towel.I have a job that i could make ends meet,but we have so much finances tied together...We also have two children i feel like a bad mother for allowing this situation!!!Even though i love him so i should just get out of this marriage right?? I do follow anylon rules but im tired of it...but once i left before and i about fell apart,now when i see hes high or not right i make him leave and then i feel relive.Am i strong enough to be done i just dont know ???Any advise please come foward !!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): I am in the same situation where i have lived with a heroin addiced partner for 10 years now and it is destroying me and my children who are 14 and 12.i wake up every morning with a knot in my stomach wondering what the day will bring he loses every job he has and i work part time and am left to deal with everything,we have no life no social life we dont even sleep in the same bed,he sleeps on the sofa.this man has destroyed my life and because of the stigma attached to it i havent told a soul so i have this burden with me at work shopping out with friends,i would give anything to be in a normal relationship,something i have never experienced and dream of meeting a really nice guy and running away.he has alienated everyone including his children all for this terrible addiction and ruined mine and my kids lives too,has stolen,begged borrowed all to get the money for one bag,i feel nunb inside and if it wasnt for my kids i woulnt be here,have tried throwing him out too but that doest work so we are trapped in this vicious cycle,wish there was help for us more and not the addict,living with aheroin addict is hell on earth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend is 52 and an addict, been in and out of detox and rehab since I have known him. I am lost in a revolving door of him using, me giving him money to 'fix' so he can stand sitting at the hospital for the 8 hours it takes for them to admit him to detox, him being in the detox for a certain number of days, coming home and then doing the same exact same thing. This has happened countless times. He has stolen every thing of value from me, my child, and from my home (jewlery, video cameras, games, computers, even my antique furniture and my deep freezer) and of course money, thousands of dollars. I no longer keep cash on me. I now know that he will NEVER stop using me to keep him while he stays high and I am getting out of this. I have to go to court to get an order to have him removed from MY home (which I own and pay all the bills) because he has lived here for longer than 6 months and has 'established residency' and it's illegal for me to put him into the streets...for any reason. GO FIGURE. He has more rights than I do. It's ridiculous. Get away from that man ASAP. He will continue to use you forever. We have both been suckers, but we don't have to STAY that way. The don't love US. They love what we DO for THEM. I pray you get away. I am going for counseling and hope you do the same. You and your children will be in my prayers.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): I`m a guy in a similar situation but it`s her flat, i just pay for everything. I work 12 hours a day and come home to clean, cook and wash up. Spent last week sleeping on the floor at work cos she stole my travel money. She acts like i am in the wrong for not giving her money for heroin(she always says it`s for meth to get her off it).Been like this two years now. I`m leaving tomorrow. Consider yourself lucky it`s your place and get rid of him, for the kids sake. I have to sleep in my pants so i can keep my wallet on me and even that doesn`t work sometimes. Don`t lose it all so he can carry on.Call police, explain everything and call them every time he tries to come back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): Hello,
I was with a boy who became a junkie three years into our relationship. We had a very serious relationship. I stayed with him for three years after he started using. I loved him more than anything and I was absolutely a codependent keeping him alive.
Breaking up with him was the best thing I had done up to that point. It was like losing 30lbs. from my chest. It was like being reborn.
I have been recovering since then. Three years of remembering who I was and what I'd originally wanted to do with my life.
Leave him and don't look back. Save your children.
Be brave.
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