A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:How much time should I give this? My b/f of 5 years has had a difficult time getting over his ex, whom he was with for only 2 years, but they were engaged and she betrayed him big time. I met him 2 years after the break up and he wasn't over her at the time. He was still contacting her; emails, phone calls, still telling her he loved her even though her common response was "don't go there". Luckily she moved out of state and after a couple more years, he lost track of her (thank God). He says the whole chapter was a huge mistake, but everytime I turn around, I find photos of her that he's tucked into his briefcase, or stuck on our shared computer even though he swore he took them all off (no, he didn't forget a couple, he moved them back later, thinking I wouldn't find them). We went to dinner w/friends the other night, there was a woman who looked remarkably like his ex and somehow when he was taking pictures, she somehow got into every photo. Coincidence? I doubt it. He rents movies, and the leading women frequetly look exactly like his ex. He's attracted to female musicians who resemble her looks, or her crazy behavior, and I wonder what is he doing with me? He says he wants to get married to me, but I still feel like I'm living in her shadow based on his behavior. When I tell him I notice these, things, he has very little to offer as an explanation. Just that he likes to remember what he's done in his life.....Huh? How about the horrible debt she left him with; How about the jail record of false charges? How about the jewelry, furniture, and appliances she stole when she left, wouldn't that be enough of a reminder of what he's done in his life? It's like she had some kind of wicked spell on him and I haven't been able to break the code. (And no, it wasn't just some sexual thing, because we have an amazing sex life and I do everything he's ever asked for or dreamed about). How much time should I allow before I put my foot down and say it's either her (memory) or me.
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