A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i joined a dating site 2 week ago and saw a guy i know of and on rare nights out over the years we have spoken and said hi to each other ive always had a liking of him , its been 4 years since i last spoke to him. I messaged him on this dating site but he hasnt been online for nearly 30 days i wouldnt mind getting to know him better. I noticed he is on facebook but we dont have any friends in common and he doesnt have many friends on there with only just joining would it be weird if i messaged him on facebook or should i just wait a couple more week incase he does message me on the dating site. ( at that point the dating site will say if its past 30 days since being online or not ) im quite a shy reserved person but life is flying by
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 April 2016):
 I would NOT contact him on Facebook.
I would look around on the dating site for another option. If the guy isn't active he possibly has a GF and a messages on FB would be awkward to say the least. I agree with chigirl on that!
While you may think he is a great guy, you don't know him and in all the years you HAVE known him it hasn't gone past a "hello", no exactly a great indicator for attraction. So while you may THINK he is a great guy, he may not be a great match (for you).
Why not explore what ELSE is out there? (and on the dating site) instead of locking yourself down on a "fantasy" guy you haven't talked to in 4 years?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Wait for the message on the dating site. If he hasn't been on for 30 days, chances are he is already dating someone else. Wait until he's ready to come back to the dating site. Or else it will be weird if he messages you on facebook, then goes to the dating site and sees an older message from you there. I mean, the dating site is obviously for getting a date, hence why you messaged him. If you want to message him on facebook too, you should ask him out on a date, and not pretend like you just happened to see his profile etc.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 It seems that he doesn't really use the online dating site therefore yes why not send him a facebook message. I don't see the harm in contacting him, and who knows it might be the start of something great. If he is not interested well at least you tried and you can move forward and talk to new people on the dating site. Go for it, you only live once. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 If he lives faraway and that's why the dates in the past had been on and off, then no. If it's a case of, you happened to know him, but neither of you were ready for anything serious but you both felt a spark, and now you want to try it again because somehow timing now is better, then maybe yes.
If a guy really used to like you you he won't be weirded out if you went on facebook just to contact him. That's better than waiting 30 days just to get a reply. If he doesn't then, he might think you are some creepy stalker but who cares what he thinks because he won't be important anymore in your life.
If he's an inactive member on the dating site, his picture would come up on the last page, so I wonder what about the more active guys on the site? No one you fancy? I believe you take chances when obvious opportunities present itself in front of you, but not if you have to dig out information on someone who's elusive to you. If you are so shy and reserved that you would rather contact someone you used to know, but not strangers online, it will always be a waiting game for you. I think I would feel more comfortable starting fresh with someone else.
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