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Lied about my age to my boyfriend (I'm 7 years older)

Tagged as: Age differences, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we're moving in together soon. We have an amazing relationship and I love him with all of my heart.

The problem is, when we first met, I wasn't honest about my age. He's almost 7 years younger and I was insecure about the age gap. It seemed like such a harmless, little lie at the time, given that we didn't know each other, but 15 months later and he still doesn't know the truth.

In the beginning, like I say, it seemed harmless, but once it got to a point where I knew a confession was needed, it seemed like too much time had passed and I've never found the courage to tell him.

I'm so scared of how he'll react and also what will happen if/when his family and friends find out, so I keep putting it off.

How the hell am I ever going to find the right time and the right words?

He's 19 and I'm 25. X

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (5 February 2011):

xanthic agony auntYou'll just have to force yourself to come clean. Seven years is a pretty big difference to lie about, and he has a right to know who he's really dating. It's going to seem worse than it is because you've waited so long, but it's better that he hears it from you than someone else, right?

Be prepared for a negative reaction. He may become suspicious of you, thinking 'if she lied about this what else did she lie about?' But, hopefully you'll both move past it and work things out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011):

It wasn't right to lie to him, but I can see why you did it. You need to tell him before you move in together though, otherwise you're just making it worse for yourself. Good luck.

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A female reader, luv2luvme United States +, writes (5 February 2011):

luv2luvme agony auntThere are no "right" words just tell him the truth.

The same courage you mustard up to tell that lie is the same courage you use to tell the truth.

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