A
female
age
41-50,
*eremeck
writes:My husband is a worldclass liar. Let me start from the beginning. So around 12 years ago I got addicted to pain pills and ended up going to rehab in malibu california. While in rehab I kicked the pills and was feeling really great. I also fell in love with my therepist and married him 4 years later. I had deep trust with him because he was my therepist and he seemed so down to earth and honest. Everything seemed so great for so long, but it was not great, everything was a lie. The first sign of trouble was right after we got married. My grandfather died and I had to leave town to go to the funeral. My husband said he had to work, could not get off, but go without him. So I left and ended up getting the flu and coming home a day early. When I walked into our home everything was in disarray, I thought we had been burglerized,until I walked into our bedroom and saw the bedd had been pulled out really far from the wall and covers and blankets evrywhere. I nearly died. I was in utter shock. I instantly knew he had cheated on me in our home. My stomach dropped and my face burned. The embarrasing part is I was so stunned when he came home and he told me that the house was destroyed because he got into a fight with his mother and he had kicked stuff aorund in anger. Stupidly and because I could not accept he would do that to me, I chose to believe him even thou I knew he was lying. For a long time after that everything was calm untill we got a computer. I started to find porn right away on our computer, and lots and lots of dating sites and annomous sex sites. When I would find them he simply denied it and said there was some mistake. I almost lost my mind with that. He even blamed me and said maybe I was the one going on these sites. Eventually he admitted to it and told me he started watching ponr at 8 years old. He said it comforted him. (Bastard) I begged him to stop, he said he would, but it just got worse and worse. I actually suffered a nervous breakdown because of it all. I am recovered from that and have left my husband. The horrible part is he calls me evryday several times and beggs me to come back. I said I would consider it if he stopped loking at porn. He said he had quit already, which is once aagian a lie lie lie. I went home while he was at work and checked there computer and he proceeded to join four differnt really nasty sites.With the braower full of really nasty sites. I am horrifeied and devasted. He is a liar and manipulater. I am wondering if there is any hope for men with sex addictions who are still in denial?
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at work, cheated on me, fell in love, liar, porn, sex addict, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty Stella  +, writes (7 November 2008):
Practically all men watch porn.
The only reason that they didn't before the internet was that it was harder to get.
Get over it. If you expect to find a man with a computer that never watches porn then expect to be either a) lonely or b) married to one of the very, very, very small minority of religous men that honestly never do.
Regards
Stella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Damn... the questions keep on coming at me.. I'm trying to work out how long you've been married. About 8 years according to me. He's been looking at porn since he was 8years old, why have you only just found this out. Did he keep it hidden, or did he stop, only to start looking again. What has stopped you finding him with pornography before.
Another question, did you tell your partner that you hated pornography, did he tell you that he hated pornography too. Before you got married was pornography discussed at all, or did you just assume that he didn't like it, and that's why your shocked to find out that he dose.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): PS: Another thing I don't understand is that you think your husband had an affair, he denied it, you accepted his lies and "everything calmed" down again. Didn't you feel angry, didn't you loose trust in him, wasn't you worried that he might cheat again. You seem to be very calm and understanding about his adultery, why has his porn viewing got you so upset. Please update and explain what is going on in your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): I'm a bit confused honeypie. You forgave him when you thought he was cheating and actually had sex with someone, but you are very upset that he looks at porn. Pornography is pictures and videos, no intimate contact involved. Having an affair and actually having sex with somebody is cheating, and for me that's when you should have got upset and left.
Actually I'm not sure if he's looking at pornography or joining adult dating sex, looking for somebody to meet and have sex with. One is looking, one is adultery. I'd be upset if my partner wanted to meet somebody for sex, but you only seem to be upset about the pornography.
I really don't understand, please could you update your post and tell us exactly what your husband is doing and what he is looking at.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (6 November 2008):
 He seems to have been looking at these sites for a very long time. To him it probably what he considers normal.
I don't think you can learn to live with this, and you have asked him over again if he will stop, he obviously can't and has some kind of addtiction, maybe some of this hurt is still from the affair he may of had? I assume you have never spoke to him about it?
To some people porn is not a problem and some couples watch it together and enjoy it.
But if you both have different views on this and he is unwilling to give it up, while you can not accept him looking at it then I don't think there would be any point in trying to give it another go.
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (6 November 2008):
 It depends sometimes there is hope, somtimes not. However if you want to be with your husband I guess you should just accept that he is addicted to porn. It is your choice whether you can accept it or not. However your husband does not seem a trustable person, I therfore would not get back with your husband because he might end up hurting you emotionaly. He also seems to me a person who is highly manipulative and self-deluted.
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