A
female
age
51-59,
*ohr6
writes:I need help with this, however I do not need any harsh comment so please, please, restrain:I married my first guy 14 years ago, we had a girl and when she was 6 my husband started to be different with me, I think it was also my fault, 'cause, we lived at his mom and she was a bitch with me, afterwards when we started living alone something "broke" inside of me, then my husband started at that time loking for other "interests" and then He told me that: there is a girl. I accepted that but in some stupid reaction I got pregnant again. I tried to convince him to stay with me, he did not want to, only when I told him I got a job in Europe, we moved over there and for the first 2 years He was still in contact with the other girl, until She called him and said She will not destroy a marriage, I accepted him back because I loved him( I was trying to win him over with sex for the last 2 years); Afterwards we lived relatively OK, he was treating me bad but I was (stupidly ) happy, Four years later I met a young professor(Ed, my same age) and He started to write to me, we exchanged 9000 emails in two months!! , I realized, that I like him and I told my husband about it,He insulted me saying that I was a cheater and a whore, He ended in a psych ward because of that ( for two weeks) afterwards He moved out and a week later He was living with another girl. I started "officialy" dating Ed, but I was still 'sad or angry', i do not know how to explain , that my husband was living with the other girl. Ed treated me like a princess; for example: He called me when I was driving at night to keep my awake , He cuddled me, He really loved me. After 6 months my husband started showing up with gifts for my kids, and I decided to try again with him, I told Ed , He was really sad; My husband lied to me saying that He was alone at that time and after two months He told me we cannot live together, because He is still dating , I called Ed, and I told him I want to be with him ( I know I know it was wrong to treat him like that) , We started lving with my kids. They loved him for the very first moment , however after 4 months living together, due to the fact that Ed asked me almost every day to formalize our relationship( I was still married) I started feeling again!, something for my husband, so I contacted him again , I told him I need him and He told me He is alone again, I told Ed that I will try , now officialy, to go back to my husband and it would be better for him (Ed) to move away. He was shocked, my kids too, my faher , sister and friends, however there was somtehing inside of me that pushed me to continue in my "project" to be with my husband.Ed left in september, he did not leave any contac for me( except for my kids, they emailed him 3 times and he did back too), he said He will disconnect his phone, and I do not know exactly where he is, even though I asked him the next day he left , by phone, to give me his email and new phone , He told me He will not contact me again so I can "try" again with my husband.I called him a couple of times to his phone, but it's disconnected.My husband started living with me the net day, and He brought his mom who was visiting the country, my kids do not like her and she always make problems.Now after all this I have some questions:1)Do you think my marriage is still worth it?2) My husband is 'exploding" every time he can, I do not know what to do and why He is doing that3) He leaves the house for "work" ( He takes more time than usual) but I do not trust him, What can I do?4) Whay Ed is not contact me or sending me emails( only to my kids) or calling me?5) Should I contact Ed by email?6) Is there any chance I can explain to Ed that I am sorry for all this?7) How wrong is all what I did?8)what can I do now?I really need your help , I do not talk too much to my family and to my friends because I think I know their opinion about all this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 November 2008):
You left a man who was wonderful to you and your kids, to go back to your horrible husband for absolutely no reason. You did this twice!
It's no wonder that Ed doesn't want to speak to you again, you broke his heart twice and he is not going to risk you using him and throwing him away again.
I really have no idea why you have gone back to your husband. In my view you should have stayed with Ed.
However he has gone now and I very much doubt he'll give you a third chance.
Leave your husband (or wait for him to leave you for yet another girl) and be single for a while.
You don't need to skip from man to man.
Get your head together.
Good Luck!! xx
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