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Did I do something wrong to the potential love of my life?

Tagged as: Long distance, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 November 2008) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *oodguy85 writes:

Hi,

I've been friends with this girl for 5 months who has a boyfriend. She moved from the east coast out here in the West to be with him for his new job.

She doesn't want to be with him, but doesn't know how to end it because they live together. He is her first boyfriend. She is very shy, very innocent, and a good heart. He is very controlling and is busy working at a hedge fund and doesnt spend time at home wih her. Tells her what to eat and how she should dress. She told him that she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore and he begged her that he's changed.

Our friendship morphed into a relationship and we realized that we are great for each other because we love each other's imperfections. Even though I wanted to, I never forced her to break up because that needed to be her decision. She also told me that she loves me so much. A month ago, I told her I couldn't keep seeing her for only 1hr every week because I wanted to be with her all the time. She cried and said her heart wants to be with me but she doesnt know why she cant leave this guy. Since that day she hasn't responded to any of my friendly calls to see how she is doing. I also emailed her a letter stating that I didn't think I would lose her as a friend .

The question is.. why is she avoiding me, how do i get back in her life and did I do something wrong to a potential love of my life?

View related questions: has a boyfriend, shy

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A male reader, goodguy85 United Kingdom +, writes (25 November 2008):

goodguy85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The main thing that upsets me is that there was no closure. The only painful thing is that there was no closure with someone that I considered a great friend. Not once has a call or email (total of 3) been returned. I believe everyone in life needs closure to learn and successfully move along.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (18 November 2008):

She wanted to keep you on the side.

You said to choose him or you and she chose him.

She can say that she isn't happy all she wants but she keeps making excuses to stay with this guy.

I think until she is prepared to leave this guy you should leave her to it.

I know it is hard if you think she is the love of your life but it will not be healthy for you to run around after her like a puppy when she won't ever commit.

Good Luck!! xx

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