A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a really big problem and I am so upset by it I think I'm going to therapy.On Sunday I got at 5:52 a.m. a call from my girlfriend. She was sobbing and screaming and saying something that I couldn't understand. I thought she was saying she was scared of the rain but she kept saying no after I asked. Then she slowed it down enough... "I got raped I got raped" I burst into tears. I'm not allowed to be talking on the phone since I have no cell phone privleges but I had to tell my mom I was so distraught. I ran downstairs sobbing and cried for an hour and then went back to my room where I cried till I fell asleep. Throughout the day I told my girlfriend to keep the evidence, to get some if she needed. She was throwing up constantly and having panic attacks. Then my mom and I called her father and told him because she didn't want to tell anyone. He drove four hours to her 26 year old married brother's house to pick her up.I got a call when she got home. She hadn't been raped. She had been wasted because she started drinking at 9 and didn't stop till she passed out after I got the call. Her brother is twenty six and she is seventeen. Apparently the boy walked into the room she was in and lying on the floor and she just let him have sex with her with no trouble. The condom came off inside and she had to get it out.And might I also mention the obvious, SHE IS A LESBIAN.I am crushed. What do I do? Please help me....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): OK.
well, according to the law it is still undesired sex-rape.
I belive we can all agree that if the person is not int he right frame of mind, the perosn who had sex of her can be accused of taking advantage over the situation.
firstly, make sure she take sthe morning after pill and checks in with her gyno. this is of extreme importance seeing as she doesnt remember much.
I am not telling you to forgive her, but stay by her side and support her in this moment that is harder for her than for you. Put yourself in her place; how drunk must she have been to let some random guy penetrate her?
It is appalling that her brother consented this.
After the dust s gone, talk to her and ask her to explain what happened. Truthfully. No lies.
we cant tell you what you should do, it is a decision that is upon you and how much you love the person.
A personal opinion, love is all you need. If you love her enough you will find room in your heart to forgive and understand her. then give her a huge lecture on getting drunk and kick that boys ass. if justice cant be made in court then take it into your own hands (moderatly..dont kill the guy or do anything taht could cause serious consequences) but make sure that everyone knows what he has done.
be reasonable. dont let yoru impulses take over you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNOT WITH HER BROTHER! AH! She didn't have sex with her brother. Sorry I was very emotional and obviously not too clear
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): when you are heavily drunk you do not know right from worng so when this incident occured she did not know what she was during and i think you should just forgive and froget and make sure she doesnt get that heavily drunk again!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): If she was really drunk enough to pass out I think she might of got raped.When you are drunk. especially madly drunk, you make big mistakes.If shes a lesbian also she wouldnt have done this.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 If you can't support the girl during this time she is probably better off with out you!
At the end of the day how many rape victims actually think it's their fault and they let it happen. I'm still not convinced. As I said before if you are drunk you don't have the mental ability to control your actions.
But as long as there are people like you out there these RAPISTS will get away with it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2009):
If she has admitted that then it is a different matter. You weren't quite clear on your original post.
It sounded incredibly dodgy, but if she says that she consented to sex then fair enough.
Well the fact is that you have been cheated on and that your girlfriend is bisexual and not a lesbian.
I can't tell you what to do in this circumstance. Personally I could not forgive someone who cheated on me but you may be able to.
Give it time for both of you to calm down and then talk to her about why she did it. "I was drunk" is not an excuse. If she was sober enough to say yes then she must have wanted to have sex.
Talk it out and then make a decision.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Personally, despite the fact that you insist that it's not rape, it still sounds a little dodgy to me.
Did she willingly invite him to have sex with her? To me, if he found her lying on the floor, her completely out of it, he's basically taken advantage of her. You said yourself she was "wasted". Who's to say she was completely aware of everything? There are cases of women being drugged, than raped while they're out of it. This seems similar, and has already been mentioned.
Besides that, as you've said, "she's a lesbian"... why would she have sex with a man? Especially when she has a girlfriend (is she the unfaithful type?)...especially with her BROTHER of all people. :/ ...Still doesn't sound right to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Gee...I wonder who that second to last poster is...hmmm
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I'm going to verify that SHE LET HIM HAVE SEX WITH HER. It wasn't rape.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): If she was so drunk she passed out on the floor and the guy came in and had sex with her...She was rapped. It is no different than date-rape. The same as drugging her and then taking advantage of her. She didn't let him...she was too wasted to stop him! There is a difference!
Being drunk is not an excuse for rape! She probably wouldn't want to take legal action...since the defense will drag her through the mud! But if I were her brother...I would want to do something!
Don't be so hard on her and don't think of it as though she cheated on you! She was taken advantage of and so, she is a victim!
It happened to me when I was 15, the guy was in his 40's It was my first job and he was my boss. At the end of my shift, the restuarant was empty and he started making me Rum and Cokes...the next thing I knew...I was coming to in the back booth! I thought it was my own fault because I willingly drank the alcohol. I never told anyone. Years later through therapy...I found out that it wasn't my fault and he had rapped me!
I was a victim, and so is she. If the guy is older...she could have a case!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (22 April 2009):
She was Raped! Taking advantage of a drunk girl is still rape, but it's a very grey area in the law. I would still recommend reporting this to the police though.
If you are too drunk you don't have the mental capacity to give informed consent, unfortunately the defence will say that if you can't remember saying no, then how do you know you didn't say yes!
But in the real world we know that people do get too drunk and get taken advantage of, do you really think she has cheated on you? I don't, I think she is going to need a lot of emotional support.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 April 2009):
Ummm.... if she is drunk and passed out and he had sex with her then it's still rape.
Do you really think she would have done this if she's a lesbian?
This is why you should never get that drunk.
It will never stand up in court as she probably doesn't remember enough to say she told him no.
But that doesn't mean it wasn't rape.
Stop thinking of yourself.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, PrincessSarah +, writes (22 April 2009):
 she had sex with her brother?
maybe because she was so wasted she didnt realise what she was doing and she was too drunk to consent. what this boy did was wrong and he shouldnt have taken advantage of her like this. this is clearly a rape and you need to support your girlfriend as much as u can. it would also seem that her family has manipulated her into thinking it was her fault to save face. this was a rape
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