A
female
age
41-50,
*exi9929
writes:Hi, im not sure where to start in my head my problems are HUGE and i need advice so am hoping you can help.I have been married for 8 years my husband was faithful (i think but there have been some doubts and accusasions by my best friend of otherwise). when we had our little girl after 5 years of trying we had a rough time and i spent 6 months in hosp with her. Afterwards, This caused us to drift further apart, and i started to feel less love and attention and money was very tight. he was stuck in a routine and i craved some love badly. when an old school friend got in touch on the internet i was intrigued as i had fancied him at school and we used to dance together at every party there was, but nothing happened not even a kiss. So we met up for coffee and after talking to him for a few months and him making me feel wanted i stupidly decided to sleep with him. After a month of seeing him secretly i became infatuated for his attention and my husband found out. At first he used to let me see him knowing it was wrng but he made me happy but then decided he couldnt anymore and so i was forced to move out with our little girl with this new man.at first it was fantastic, he made me feel wanted and loved and the sex was amazing as ever n my husband never did things he did or ever wanted to. But also he wanted me n made me feel loved but slowly as my husband moved on i started to have doubts as we argued a lot, we fought a lot and it wasnt until my husband told me he had met some1 else off a chatline and she started slagging me off that i realisd i was jealous. My new guy noticed but said he had fallen in love with me and thought id get over it. I was awful and my husband stopped seeing this woman i dont know if i made it difficult or they didnt get on but it wasnt fair. Now my husband couldnt afford the mortgage anymore so we were threatend with losing the house id left so he agreed to move out and me and new fella could take it over as he earns more. But when we moved in new fella started to be very controlling and jelous and i fell pregnant. In the meantime my husband met another woman off a chatline and she confessed to me that they had slept together and it hurt, which now i think i know how my husband must have felt when he learnt of my affair. im now 24 weeks pregnant and scared as i get ill when pregnant and he is very opinionated as he has already got 3 kids and we got into a fight coz i said my husband would be a good birthing partner when im scared (he has been through every major operation with me and helped me) - i didnt meant it, but with his controlling nature wanted him to realise he needed to listen to what i wanted. to which he went mad and he hit me for over an hour so bad that the neighbours had to call the police from me screaming. I was grateful they did as i was very scared. He was asked to leave and im on my own now with my 18 mth old daughter but He is still texting me all the time to say it was my fault too for saying it in the first place but that he loves me and we can work thru this n he will never let go. My husband is appauled and doesnt want me to contact him and keeps trying to hug me and kiss me for comfort, but never mentions he loves me or wants me back, we tried to reconcile a while ago and he said he didnt know if he could forgive. so im stuck, pregnant with 1 man who wont express his feelings towards me who it rips me aprt the thought of him showing some1 else any love or affection as he never did me, and the only bloke that did beats me up, but makes me happy financially and sexually! what do i do? i wish i could have both of them mixed into one, one for the great sex and love and affection, and the other for his commitment and hard working nature and being a fantastic dad thats quiet and lets me be myself but cant give me everything i need emotionally. Please help xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, travelmate37  +, writes (2 July 2009):
This will hurt: 1. You've lost your husband (sad but true). 2. Never Ever return to a man who hits you. 3. Start a new life away from both of them, concentrate on your kids.
There are exceptions to everything. If you really like the new guy get him to go to anger management councelling IF you think he's worth it.
As for ex hubby - he couldnt satisfy you before, chances are he wont now or if this dies down (back to square one).
As for losing the house (unfortunately it happens, its life and a consequences of our decisions)- you lost your 'power' when you and new fella moved in. And he took advantage of it.
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