A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I grew up with a childhood fantasy of marrying a blond blue eyed girl, and instead I married a beautiful dark hair and eyed woman. We've been married for several years, and we have just one tween daughter... but now I want to pursue this idea of marrying the girl of my dreams.We can't seem to bring ourselves to truly love each other, I don't have the guts to tell her this.I don't have an affair except for in my thoughts and desires, which I can't seem to shake off. There is no name except for the possibility to meet someone new.Should I just be honest with my wife about the way I feel? She has no control over what she looks like so it seems totally unfair. However, we don't feel happy with each other we just seem to carry on for the sake of relatives and church. I know I will hurt my wife... but I can't fake it anymore. Any advice? She will probably want a divorce after I tell her, she been wanting a divorce for years but I've been the one to telling her to hold on, and now I want to let go... and I'm afraid to do so.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): When I was little - and I mean little as in young and immature!! - I wanted to grow up with long blonde hair and blue eyes!!
As I grew older however, I realised that most blonde hair comes out of a bottle and looks quite fake!! - Infact I discovered that the amount of very beautiful blonde women (eg Brigette Bardot, Britt Ekland, Agnetha Faltskog..) I could count on one hand!!
So hopefully, one day, you too may discover this!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Talk about taking things to the extreme!!! - Why don't you just tell your wife to dye her hair blonde and save everyone the hassle!!! - That is - if she hasn't already left you by now!!
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A
female
reader, lizzielynne11  +, writes (2 September 2010):
I think that if you go for a girl just for her looks, you will inevitably be disappointed by the lack of real personality and depth that is usually so sadly lacking in those of the silicone breasts and dyed hair, and will probably regret having left your wife. I would say that you and your wife should have an honest talk about what each of you want and maybe some professional help with your relationship.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Your ammended question is much more reasonable..OK you may not be a complete jerk but klike stated above...you're not going to be the catch of the day forever so re-define yourself as one that fixates on true beauty not "air-brushed" pretty babes that can't tell time.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (31 August 2010):
Beauty(real beauty) doesn't come in a photographic image. You must be the greatest looking dude on the planet to think you "deserve" a particular type of person. her eyes will tell the real beauty even if they're dark brown. I can't believe you have this inflated ego and then write to let the world know how shallow your brain is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to put this question out a again with different wording. I'm interested in more responses, the truth hurts sometimes and I'll admit I've been pretty shallow... but how do you get rid of an idea that seems fixed into your head.
I'm just attracted to other girls, and I'm tired of not being able to be honest about it.
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A
female
reader, holliegeorgie.x  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Your dream girl doesn't exist. She never will do, she could see perfect to begin with but then you will notice the flaws, trust me. Nobody's perfect. I wouldn't explain this to your wife being told your not good enough is not good on the old self esteem but I also don't believe in being a relationship if your unhappy. In my eyes you must tell her you've fallen out of love, don't keep coming back just move out and let her go. It can seem frightening at first starting all again alone but theres also no point in being unhappy.
Life is worth living to full, you only have one life remember don't waste it. There is no point in being together if you fell out love, it's a natural thing to happen a lot of people fall out of love.
Forget your dream girl, it won't happen. Your perfect girl could have red hair and green eyes don't avoid any over women because they don't have the right hair color for you.
Good luck. Be happy :) x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): If you both want a divorce then do it; never mind your relatives or church, it's your happiness that counts and neither of you are happy. Do something about it. If she's wanted a divorce for years then I don't know what's stopping you.
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (30 August 2010):
Hopefully your dream girl don't leave you for her dream guy...Trust me on this one...Karma is not to be messed with.
But please leave...You maybe doing your wife a favour. Some guys have to learn the hard way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Do you not have an amazing emotional connection to your wife that outweighs your stupid fantasy of marrying someone else for their hair colour?
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (30 August 2010):
 I think you're not able to dissociate reality from fantasy. Maybe you'll never meet that blond girl you're dreaming about.
Of course, it's another thing that you don't get along well anymore with your wife, which is more reasonable. Just talk to her, tell her that you're unhappy, and if you're unhappy, you'll make her unhappy too, so break up. There are so many divorced couples who have kids. I'm sure you and your wife will handle it well. It's not OK being in a relationship you're not comfortable anymore.
Good luck in taking the right decision :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): So, she has wanted a divorce for a while. And now, you agree and want to leave her....where is the question? Your daughter? You can still be her parents without being married. Better than two of you being miserable no?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): You sound so unbelievably shallow. I feel sorry for your daughter being brought up by a selfish parent and one so fixated on skin deep beauty.
So you dump your wife, you marry the blonde of you dreams, you go bald with age and she leaves you because the guy in her dreams has hair? Get a grip.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Then why did you marry her? Didn't you marry the woman of your dreams when you met her and she gave you a daughter? I was going to suggest she can get contacts and lighten her hair..If the love was never there and she wants a divorce then give her one..just don't lose sight of your child in the matter. Do note, that looks change over time, so that blonde haired blue eyed girl may not look so great at 40.
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