A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A while ago, I posted something on here about whether or not I would be an idiot to get back together with my ex-boyfriend [who cheated on me...it was a long, long story]. As time has gone by and I've distanced myself from the actual act, I have changed my mind about getting back together with him. I decided that regardless of what he said to me, I deserve someone who won't do that to me in the first place, particularly with one of my "friends." So, this is what I've come to. I've never been a very trusting person. I've just never learned to see the best in people, and it's like I'm always looking for something to go wrong when everything's going great. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the great times as well as anyone, but I always go back to thinking about how it just can't last [likewise, I do the same about bad situations. I'm more of a realist than anything else]. But with my ex, I never really thought that I'd have to worry about the BS he put me through. After he broke my trust so completely, I find myself even farther from trusting than I was in the first place.I'm worried that these issues I have with trust will make it hard to commit to any future relationship. My ex was my first real relationship, and it ended horribly. There is really only one person in my life I can talk to about anything, and I have problems even thinking about extending that to someone else. Mostly, I don't want to get hurt like I was by my ex again. That's basically my problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): Hey there!
Trust is a key component for a relationship. With trust, two people must also have good communication. Its important you go back and logically analyze what went wrong in those areas and see what you can do to improve and correct what may have gone wrong on both ends. This way, when you break things down, you remove that emotion thereby reducing the fear of trust.This way you can see how the relationship fell apart from a logical sense and try to fix those pieces in the equation that didnt work last time.
Now, the approach. Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Treat him as a new guy and start fresh. As simple as that sounds, its so easy for us as humans to carry things from our past relationships into our next ones so I feel this is vital to say. But because youve already broken things down and learned from your last relationship, this step is easier for you. Im a firm believer in the self fulfilling prophecy that if you think something will go wrong, it will. So, if you go into the relationship weary of his trust you could eventually feel the confirmation of it as you can subconsciously can make that happen throughout the course of the relationship. So, youre left with nothing to do but be positive. We go into relationships with the best intentions for the person we are with so it makes sense for us to think good things. Best to you :)
A
male
reader, Shadow_Phathom_of_the_Opera +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Honestly, I may not be looking as a female's point of view, but I know what you are talking about (in a way). There are certain things whenever I want to tell someone, I lock up, and can't speak, or light it ablaze with a lie (but you want to have trust in someone...? Okay, let me tell you what you need to do).
How often do you talk to your friends? Do you trust them with your secrets? Tell start by practicing with them, and telling your secrets to them. They better vow to keep it secret.
After telling your friends/if you do not have any close friends, continue by talking to complete strangers that are willing to listen to you. Perhaps a teacher you never will have class with, or just listen to an elderly woman in the park, feeding the pigeons. Just relax, and let yourself go.
Then, If you really want to amp it up, then talk to your family about it. Tell them you don't want them to demoralize you, just be constructive.
Finally, this should have built up enough courage to talk about it, and eventually, let go of your problems. It may take you some time, maybe a year, but trust me, you have to believe!
Honestly, I've held a secret back for 4 years, and it's still killing me inside. It's not healthy. Don't be like me, and not trust others. You must have faith in this world, or you'll be crawling for the rest of your life, while the others have learned to run ahead of you (metaphor).
If It means anything, I believe in you. You had to have came to this website with trust that you'd get an answer back, let alone, believe that this'll work in the end. Now you have to trust me.
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A
male
reader, ex-teen  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Don't view it as cheating, view it as him kerping your sex life exciting, if he comes back after fucking another girl and fucks you senseless then he loves you, don't challenge him just because he went with another female, we honestly do love our partners and will do anything for them. If he opposes you sampling other men THEN tell him it's all over red rover. It has to be equal. We can fuck multiple women but still only love one.
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