A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I'm entering my first long distance relationship. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we'll get through this :)Here's some background info. My boyfriend is going to the East Coast for his last 2 years of college. He's studying jazz composition. We have been together for a little over 2 years. I'm 18 he's 20. He's a sharp dresser and very tech savvy. So my questions are: what sorts of things do you do to pass the time?What sorts of things work well in a care package that must ship cross country (standard shipping)?How do you keep conversations interesting, so it doesn't just turn into "hi, how r u im good thanks for asking... what's up, nothing much"?Thanks for your help! 3
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 If you feel it is good enough at the time, then it is good enough. You won't know until you've been without one another for awhile. Just my thought. I would try to see one another any chance you get.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 September 2012):
If you feel it is good enough at the time, then it is good enough. You won't know until you've been without one another for awhile. Just my thought. I would try to see one another any chance you get.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your responses, if anyone else has something to add, feel free!
Here's my question to all 3 of you so far. You mentioned meeting at least once every 2 months. Would Xmas suffice? He is coming back for that break. And I was considering going to see him spring break if he cannot come back that semester. Does that sound good enough?
I am 100% sure that he would not consider looking at other girls or cheat. And in response to So Very Confused's point #2, he actually does fall asleep a lot when we are talking late at night XD
He even did that when we were hanging out together past 11pm.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (2 September 2012):
I agree with what the others have said. Keep in mind that with a major in jazz composition, at some point, you are going to have to move (unless you live in a city where there are a lot of jobs either teaching or playing jazz) to be with him, and/or you will need to do a lot of moving around if he travels (unless you are going to keep it long-distance for the the duration. I know that was not your question, but something you should consider.
LDR's CAN work, but both people have to be realistic and you have to work to keep the communication going and the meetings frequent.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 My boyfriend and I had to do a year apart (that ends in only a week, yay!) so I have a bit of experience with this. Make no mistake LDRs are very hard and you both have to be willing to put in a lot of work. However, if you two are really committed it can absolutely work.
1) You're going to fight and feel very frustrated and sad at times. Never make any big decisions while you're fighting. Whenever you want to say something nasty, sleep on it.
2) Make time for each other. You should aim to talk daily, even if it's only for a few minutes. Send each other emails of things you've seen, like funny links or photos.
3) Write each other handwritten letters, they're just better. Second best is an app called Postagram if you have a smartphone.
4) Make sure you plan regular visits. If you can avoid it I wouldn't go longer than 2 months at a time (that's already pretty long).
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 September 2012):
 there is a great website: http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/
go join for free.... it's tons of GREAT LDR info
and I wish you all the best with this.
that being said:
you are both very young
you have been together since you were 16.
what you want at 16/18/20 is NOT going to be what you want at 25/30/35.... we grow we change... if our partners don't grow and change with us... the relationships get hurt.... and don't survive.... it's not that anyone did anything wrong... it's just a fact of life...
relationships at your age when you are close are hard enough to be so far apart makes it worse.
these are the things LDRS need to make them work:
1. you have to have been together in real life (check)
2. you have to have total trust and honesty (I assume you do).... but let me ask you this.... he's going to college... he will be around other young, bright, attractive women who have the same interests he does.... if the two of you have a nightly Skype date at 10 pm and he's not there.... and he's not answering his phone... what's your first thought? Is it, oh he fell asleep or is it "oh he's out with some other girl"? because be HONEST with yourself, your first thought is going to be the one you will go to and if he misses a planned date or is not available, won't you wonder? Of course you will.... but trust is crucial to making an LDR work.
3. open communication (phone, text, email)... when we were LDR we were emailers at first... now that we live together (and are getting married in 5 weeks) we still use email as a way to communicate with important stuff.... we had daily contact...because I needed it.... how much contact do you need? I needed daily, he did not... HE compromised... we ended up with a morning wake up call by me to him at his request and my calling him at bedtime as I was usually the one in bed first.... any other contact during the day by phone was for emergencies...
4. regular visits.... hard to do when you are cross country and young and have school commitments... but you have to have contact at least every few months IMO... if you can't manage that how will you two cope?
5. a plan to end the distance.... yours is just two years.... easily coped with as long as there are regular visits.... I have friends that are getting married in two weeks and have been LDR from day one of their relationship and will continue the LDR part for the next three years... BUT they have nightly Skype dates, and they are about 2 hours by car apart.... and he comes to her 3 out of every four weekends.... they choose to have one weekend apart each month so they can do other things.... it works for them.
for us we were together at first once a month then twice a month then every weekend... and then it was 3 or 4 nights in a row and after a year we ended the distance and moved in together... we get married in 5 weeks...
LDRs are hard day to day but you two have the knowledge that you have been together on a day to day basis so you don't have that worry to deal with.... that being said it gives you guys a bigger chance at making it work than had you just met online....
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