A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay my boyfriend and i have a great relationship otherwise..its a long distance one..however i always had one basic problem..i dont like the way he talks to his female friends..as well as mine(when i introduce mine to him) he treats women with respect ...all his girlfriends like him and tell me he is a sweet guy..loves you etc.which he does,but in his fb i found him talkin dirty things like "hehe..did u masterbate today lol " and the girl wud reply somethin like "wtf *name* " n he wud go "no lol i heard its great for health"many a times he himself has told me what he told his fem friend as if it were somethin to brag about he wud ask his commited fem friend "so did u n ur boyfriend make out" she would reply "no ...omg no we didnt"n he wud say "oh y not?did he atleast touch ur boobs lol "my friend who thinks herself as ugly,he told her on chat "noways ___ u are hot!i mean a guy could just watch ur pic and mast. u know that?"its a compliment...and he even tells me what he told her ..and he basically brags to me about how well he can flirt...i fought with him so many times over this and went through a lot of pain,..since few months we are on a LDR and its going to be so for another 2 years at least ,he keeps visiting once in a while..and lately he got very very busy in his workhe is busy not faking and i cribbed to him that he doesnt givme time at all,he just told me that im not understanding him...i am just makin a scene again for nothing..n that if he doesnt call i should understand he is busy..he has been so with all his friends here and his parents..he said it also "i havent even spoken to my mom n dad in 2 weeks i am really busy n when i get home i just dont feel like calling"he said you better change being emotional n all these things dont take you anywhere in life be a little practical ,you either change or il just go mad....and it was kind of an ego popper for me..so i acted as if i were being obedient and promised to change ...him not communicating often made me keep thinking of all the dirty stuff he talked to those girls and i couldnt get over it..so i made a fake account in a fake name and some random pic of somethin and started talking dirty to someone just to see was he behaving distant because chatting this way with others made him so!!but i went so many steps further than he did and the guys i wa s talkin to would take it to a level further and say really dirty things..in my curiosity it turned into a sex chat :O my boyfriend used to just make fun of those girls and sometimes show it to his friends..those werent sex chats...but i ended up feeling aroused in this chat ,since my account was fake n random i didnt bother .it got too hot to handle and i ended up masterbatin to the talks i had with that guy whose profile was also fake thing .but now i feel extremely guilty,disgusted and hate myself!from my side i had the feeling of being a wonderful,commited loving gf and i would run pillar to post if i had a chance to do any favor for him...but i felt he isn't giving me back that same importance and taking my love for granted ...i have told him also that you take my love for granted for which he got upset..and said its long dist. you knew this was gonna happen when i go..etc...now i would never breakup with him because everything else is perfect..he would never cheat on me ..but i just cant stand the way he talks to a girl just so that he could brag about his "talent" to flirt! :( was what i did severely wrong??i feel sick..the whole way back from college i thought about the chat the prev. night and felt like throwing up!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 Yes what you did do was wrong. Two years is a long time to be apart and I am not sure if your relationship will last if I am honest. Obviously he is busy and he just doesn't have much time. I know that this can be hard on your side because you don't see it the way he does, and you want him to show you more that he loves you. This is why LDR is always so hard to keep. He is tired and doesn't see the problem while you are feeling neglected. Try and get more of a social life and keep yourself busy so you are not bored and missing him so much. Try and have an independant life where you don't need to rely on him.
Now on to him flirting and talking dirty to these girls. I guess some people can see it has wrong but the one major importance is he was honest with you and told you straight out what he had been saying. Obviously he feels he is not doing anything wrong, but have you explained to him how it has made you feel. Have you asked him to stop talking to girls this way? Communicate with him and be honest with him about how it makes you feel.
Now on to what you yourself done. Yes I understand you where feeling lonely and you where curious. I guess now though you no that it is not a nice thing to do and you are feeling guilty. You have learned your lesson and hopefully you won't do this again. Try and forget about it now, forgive yourself and move forward with your life now.
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