A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a LDR for about 5 months. I love my bf dearly and i am willing to sacrifice to spend time with him and talk to him. We met on a app and usually we talk on the app bc we can play games and talk. From the very beginning there has always been a problem with the amount of attention he gives me to a point where I get mad at him every other day for not giving me his attention or time. I hate nagging at him and criticizing him but he has to be reminded of doing things that are so obvious in relationships. We have been through breakup texts bc of this but we makeup. Lately he has been spending time with his friends online on the app from the moment he wakes to the moment he falls asleep. Doesn't really reply to my messages and does not spend time with me on one-one for even 30 mins. While he can spend the whole day with his friends on the app which are all girls. He wants me around and tells me he loves me unconditionally but i don´t know if that true? I have met his friends and it sure seems he is not cheating on me but why is he spending time with other girls more than me, when i have stated very clearly that i need his time too just like i make time for him? The talking through isn't a help and I love him so much I cant go through a break up with him nor does he want to? What should I do? Thanks.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (13 June 2019):
 Come on for goodness sake.
How can you love someone after 5 months? You don’t even know the guy, not only that but he barely replies? How can you honestly love him? You need to get a grip.
How could he make it any more obvious that he’s not interested? You can SAY anything you like, I could say right now to you that I love you. Does that mean anything? Absolutely not. Judge people on their ACTIONS and it’s very clear that this guy doesn’t give a shit. He ‘loves’ you yet speaks to other random females more than he does to you? Open your eyes!
This is not working and never will do, find someone closer than you can have a PHYSICAL relationship with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2019): It takes a lot to be strong enough to stick by a relationship that you can't touch when you want to, you spend most of your time waiting to be together, and everything is on-hold until you get the opportunity to spend time face-to-face. Meanwhile, you have to express your feelings and emotions over social media; using a device to see each other and to talk. It gets strenuous and impersonal over a long period of time! It goes from romance to being friends and pen pals!
You say you make up and breakup? Is it mutual, or primarily after your pleading and persistence to keep it going? You met on an app. So he never had the chance to bond with you on emotional terms. It's all talk. You're begging and nagging him for his time; but you're hindered by distance. You want and need a real boyfriend! You need closeness, not just attention!
If you're still in your teens or early 20's, how can you expect him not to want to be young and enjoy spending time out with his friends? You're not married, and your only connection between you is conducted over-distance through digital devices.
Sorry, but all that unconditional-love and such-and-such is just talk. He tells you what you want to hear; then he goes out and enjoys his life. You're an image, not a person most of the time. So maybe it's time for both of you to move-on and find relationships you can actually interact with your partners in real-time; and enjoy closeness, real warmth, and intimacy.
Being a real-life girlfriend is so much better than being one tied to a device and always wishing he was there. He can't live chained to his smartphone or laptop. He has to live his life, and burn some youthful energy! So do you!
Find yourself a real romance! Someone to satisfy all your five senses! Learn how to conduct, interact, and nurture a relationship person-to-person.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2019):
 I think you need to realize that LDR's rarely work long term.
It might be fun and exciting and emotionally rewarding for a while to correspond with someone and YES, it might FEEL like love or deep affection. BUT... to REALLY feel love you NEED to spend time together IN person. And I don't mean through sex. PEOPLE need to touch each other, read each other and get to know each other, from simple things as body language to idiosyncrasies. You BUILD memories by DOING things together.
My guess is the novelty of being in a LDR has worn off for your BF. It now feels more like a "chore" than fun times. Which is why he rather talk to other people and "hang out" with other people.
What I would suggest is that you pull back, go spend time with YOUR friends, live LIFE (not chasing other dudes or anything by do things you did before you became a couple).
Either he will notice and make a bigger effort OR he will not. And if he doesn't.... then you know you are wasting your time on him. And then you can choose to break up or not.
And YES, if he doesn't WANT to invest time in you, then breaking up is the best thing to do. Why accept being a "GF" if you aren't treated right?
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