A
male
age
36-40,
*upiddd86
writes:Hello Everyone,So I met my girlfriend online and we've been together for 4-5 months now. (We've known eachother for more then a year) It started out with just talking on msn occasionally but we found out we had much more in common so we started calling on skype until I asked her if she wanted to go out with me. I met her for the first time in real life this february and we immediatly hit it off. She told me how much she missed me when I got back home. Now however after meeting her in real life she has told me that she doesn't know if she can handle this long distance relationship. I've offered her countless solutions but she doesn't want any of them.. but when I bring up a break up she doesn't know if she wants that either.. Please help!I've brought up; comming there every month, moving there, , going on a break, breaking up.. i'm not really sure what to do anymore? She doesn't want to move either What should I do, I love her a lot and I don't want to break up with her.Thanks in advance!!
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a break, long distance, msn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 Why don't you discuss this with her before you start picking up your life and moving near a now ex who may not accept you back. Good luck to you though.
A
male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (19 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionToo be honest I'm going for a last ditch swim or sink effort. I wrote her a letter with my feelings and besides that I found a job near her in her country if I eliminate the distance I think this can work.
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A
male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (19 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrom her mouth; the fights, the misunderstandings and the not having you here when I want you to be. That'd be all folks don't think I can do anything so thanks for your support advice and help.. Cheers :)
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A
male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (19 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really have no idea what the "real" reason would be. I think it's the distance but one can never be to sure. I already accepted the break up and tbh things are going more smoothly I spend half a day with her yesterday and it was kind of like before we were a couple.. So I guess the distance but don't realy know he :(
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (18 March 2011):
I'm not sure if I'm missing something. But it seems to me as if she's breaking up for no reason. I mean, a single misunderstanding can't be enough for breaking a good relationship. No matter how mad she was at you. That's the kind of stuff all couples face every day.
What do you think is the real reason for this break up. Because I think that's the key information for helping you.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 March 2011):
I'm sorry to hear that, but a break-up was on the horizon. And if you weren't going to do it, she eventually was. The signs were there.
Perhaps Capri was right and she is involved with another man. However, I seem to think the first meeting didn't go all that well for her, and she realizes that she doesn't want to be in this LDR anymore. Really there was nothing you could do to fix it, the relationship was fading out.
It's best to move on and your next relationship not be a LDR. They do work, but you have to find a woman who is willing to invest the time in one. Male, female, not everyone is cut out for a LDR.
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A
male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (18 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk so about the jealousy issue. One morning she called me and told me about her night; I misheard her completely and heard that she said some guy that she just met brought her home, then woke her up by phone to see if she was oke and she would later go out with him for a coffee. I got jealous and told her well.. Ok.. Hf. And bye bye.. In a dissapointed tone. Apparently I hung up before the bye so she was mad at me. We talked it through later that night but this had somehow changed our relationship. So I am there now to fix it.. And failed, yday we had some arguements about no specific things. About 3 we after some time we sat down and she told me after a while she can't do this and doesn't want to find a sollution she doesnt know if this is what she wants but she quits.. As in breaking up. She still told me that she will spend the remaining days with me if I feel like it.. And that's about it; now I feel lost, broken and sad :/
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 March 2011):
Explain this jealousy misunderstanding. You haven't mentioned that in your post or follow-ups.
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A
male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (17 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo ive been with her one day now and she actually warmed up somewhat. In the beginning it was a bit weird and I told her I can't rly chat like everythings ok, so in response we went to my room. She told me the jealousy misunderstanding is the root of the problem and changed something. I asked her what was changed and she doesn't know. She still doesn't want to break up and after some talking about this we went on to our "normal" talks. She told me she rly missed me and this and after talking and laughing for a while I walked her to the train station. I was ok as a talk but next to no progress and only the reason became clear nothing else or how to fix it. Any ideas anyone?
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (15 March 2011):
You're right, you need to be face to face in order to throw light over this issue. At least you know that, even if she's not seeing someone else, there is something going here.
I wish you good luck!
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A
male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (14 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Capri you sound right on all accounts there. So thing is I had already booked my flight there a couple of weeks ago and I will still see her. I spoke with her tonight and she was easily agitated.. jokes she normally loved she got really mad at and asked me what my problem was. Weird thing is when I asked her 'guess we won't see eachother when i come over she was like; "ofc we will"? Actually after tonight I can say she's not a little distant but a lot distant to be honest. There is not a single shred of love she's showing anymore.. I think I will check whats up when I meet her face to face; this is also the best way of breaking up in my opinion. Thing is when I told her we can break up and I harbour no ill will towards her only love; so we can remain friends. So I don't really understand her change in attitude suddenly.. she went from loving me with all her heart to an ice queen that barely seems to tolerate my presence :/
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (14 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 dear, if she can't explain why she rejects all the options and she's a little distant at the same time. I reckon she's seeing someone else at you back. And she wants to keep all the options open. I'm sorry but I don't believe in surrealistic nor esoteric explanations.
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male
reader, Cupiddd86 +, writes (14 March 2011):
Cupiddd86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually she doesn't have anyone else and she is not married lol. Our first meeting actually went super well we were very intimate and she didn't want me to board the airplane back. She seems to be unable to cope with the fact that I can't be there when she needs me. That's why I proposed a move. When she said no I asked her if she wanted to break up which she doesn't want to do either. So I told her u dismiss all me solutions but u don't want a break up? She just laughs and shrugs it off. Meanwhile she is getting more distant then normal like not talking to me anymore.. I don't see why if she wants to break up all she has to do is say it
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 March 2011):
It sounds like your meeting didn't go all that perfect for her.
The big issue is she's telling you she can't handle this LDR anymore..after you two met. But she doesn't want you to move there or vice versa, nor does she want you to come visit. It sounds like she might be planning to break up with you soon.
So you ask her what is it she wants. Then you lay put her options, which is all of your ideas and tell her she has to pick one. If she doesn't then you need to end this relationship. Why, you may ask. Because 1. She told you she can't handle this LDR and 2. Her failed communication, which you absolutely have to have in a LDR.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (13 March 2011):
She can't handle a long distance relationship but she doesn't want you to move there neither. How does she sustain such an argument? Why you moving there is not an option?
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