A
female
age
30-35,
*overnfighta91
writes:I am in a long distance relationship with a man i met five years ago and we have been dating since march of this year. i am in love with him and i feel he is too, hes the sweetest, loving, caring and kind man i always wanted. i can be myself around him and vice versa, hes crazy and i am too but he loves my crazy ass and i love his crazy ass lol. we had some disagreements this weekend about making him a priority and we tallked it out and then i become emotional when he barely text me all day and he got upset. and then he suddenly became distant and i asked do you need space he said yeah he misses me but he just needs space. i still text him good morning and good night and that i love him and he texts back night or morning and he loves me too, and he does ask how im doing but once he stops texting i just leave it as that. I didnt do that for about two days but now i do it like that. so I am just wondering do i just take it day by day and if he texts me text him back and enjoy the little bit of conversation and not push him to much or just not text him at all no more till he texts me? i respect him needing space and i know he loves me for sure we have such a great connection and we would hate to lose each other but i am just not sure if im doing the right thing at the moment.
View related questions:
long distance, needs space, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lovernfighta91 +, writes (7 September 2014):
lovernfighta91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Okay to clarify me and him have been friends for 5 years we just started dating and being serious march of 2014. he had a girlfriend when we met and we were just friends and it developed into something more over time. so we have not been together for five years. i do get antsy but its only excitement im not a demanding person cause they are their own person and so am i. and honestly i prob should have someone close but this guy means alot and we both can see each other being together forever. i would move to him cause he cant leave his daughter who is just 3 years old. and i love to go to new places so i wouldnt mmind a change. and honestly i know relationships arent just from text messages but till i see him again i cherish those precious moments. i cherish when we are together more and i just saw him 4 weeks ago. i maybe young cause i am 22 turning 23 and hes turning 25 but we know what we want and we feel this isnt a waste of time thats why we make the effort. we have video chatted and i spent a week with him i saw him last so we do work things out in the mean time i just graduated nursing school and am working on passing nclex and being a nurse before moving and he understands.. so i thank you for your input but if it was five years i obviously would have moved on or moved to him. and he is my second real relationship and i have had friends tell me their experiences so i have knowledge my brain just gets clouded at times. so thanks
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (7 September 2014):
 The goal of on LDR should always be to close the gap, and stop it being a LDR. Instead you have had five years of LDR and now he wants space? Sorry but by now you should have both made it work and be together physically, rather than spending the whole of your adult life so far in a relationship based around texts, Skype and emails.
Sorry but sending someone a good morning text is not a relationship. You say you plant to move to him once your career is started but its been five years now. Why do you plan to move to him and not him to you? You say your talking a step back as he has his own life but that's the problem. You are leading separate lives and the relationship is based around messages and phones/PCs.
At the moment all you have is texts after five years? To be blunt saying that your five year "relationship" is at a stage where you don't need to communicate daily is ridiculous. I'm sorry but I feel you need a reality check here. You need to find someone in real life, someone to be their for you.
At most you are 25 and would have met him at 20, at the other end of the age scale you state you would be 22 and met him at 17. Either way you are young and even younger when you met. As an adult he is the only relationship you have had for a long period so you don't have anything to compare it to.
You do sound a bit in denial im afraid im sorry.
Mark
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2014): When someone "long-distance" tells you they need "space;"
you've got to lighten up! You're over-compensating with messaging; trying to fill in the void of distance. You get antsy and demanding. Somebody a long way from you shouldn't be asking for more "space." Too much space between you is the problem.
You need to find yourself something close and tangible. You're a person who needs someone close. I think this LDR is going to make you a nervous wreck. You like to volley the word "love" back and forth; but it's not enough. You want more, but messages can't express what the heart feels.
It has to be demonstrated through personal-interaction and actually sharing time together in the same room. Not between two screens.
Five years is too long. I think he's getting tired of the messaging. I also think he's tired of the LDR. You sense it too, that's why you need him to text you every five minutes to reassure you.
Go find yourself a real relationship with someone you can see, kiss, hold, and spend time together in the same "space."
...............................
A
female
reader, lovernfighta91 +, writes (7 September 2014):
lovernfighta91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can see where you are right, I have noticed i wanted to know everything and i had to take a step back cause he has his own life. and i do crave intimacy but only with him. i do trust him he texted me this morning but im at work all day so we chatted for a hr at most and now i just miss him. i do plan to move to him once i have my career started. i guess this is just a part of the relationship where we dont have to talk everyday or say everything not ass if either of us is hiding anything. hes the love of my life and id hate to lose him. so i guess ill just take it day by day and still send good morning text n gn text since i know he appreciates that and i dont want him to feel im mad at him. if that makes sense
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 September 2014):
If he needs space it's probably caused by you trying to be controlling... Insecurity is pretty natural in an ldr, since the other person is probably craving intimacy.
But you have to trust them or you can drive them nuts with questions (where were you, who were you with, etc).
Make plans to eventually turn this ldr into a real, non ldr relationship and maybe your insecurity will lessen.
...............................
|
