A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’ve been with my partner for nearly 6 years we have a 3 year old daughter together I’m now realising what disgusting habits he has he always farts and he makes our daughter do it on people he spits which our daughter does and he is always talking about poo he is very lazy and does nothing for our daughter or in the house I came home from work last night he was shouting at our daughter cos she wouldn’t go to sleep so he heard I was home and went to watch telly so I had a go at him for shouting at her then I go up to put her to bed my son from a previous relationship says to me Mam when you went to put her to bed my dad stuck his fingers up at you and pulled a stupid face at you we are both 32 but he is so childish he acts like he’s 17 and it just annoys me Any idea what to do I’ve tried talking to him but he just takes no notice Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 August 2018):
 What can you do? Leave, it’s prettt obvious.
He has no respect for you, he’s teaching your children bad manners and undermines you. Why would you accept that treatment?
Yes, you have a child together but does that justify staying with someone that treats you this way? You have spoke to him about it and nothings changed, what are you expecting to happen now? Do you want your children to grow up around this man? Your daughter is already picking up his habits. How long until they think shouting and swearing at people is acceptable? Kids are very impressionable as you can see, if you don’t leave him for your sake then at least think about the impact his behaviour is having on them. Your little boy sounds smart that he clearly knows the gestures that your partner was doing behind your back is wrong so why risk having things change?
You don’t mention anywhere that you love this man, so why exactly are you staying?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2018): Believe it or not this guy is mentally retarded and has the mind of a 12 yr old child. Probably he is highly skilled in some field like computer games or mechanics or what but he is nevertheless has the social skills of a 12 yrs old. If you can afford to support 2 kids I would have adviced you to take your kids and leave him otherwise you have to be patient and hope he will grow up slowly but in the mean time you have to treat him as a 12 yr old child and keep telling him what to do and what not to do,what is right and what is wrong and hope he will learn. Just one more advice. Please don't make more babies out of wedlock.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 August 2018):
 I know why it’s hard to leave, but he hasn’t only just become like this. You’ve been together for several years - it’s unlikely he only became like this once you had children.It’s time for an ultimatum: “grow up or we go” and stick to it. Don’t put up with it any more. Show your children what a healthy relationship looks like (after being single for 6+ months to sort yourself out and 6+ months of dating someone new), not what a crappy marriage looks like. Actually, you’re not even married, are you? “My partner”? You have been together for 6 years and have a 3 year old, but haven’t got married? Some people don’t fancy it, but it protects your child from him running off. Was it him delaying marriage? Have you not married him because you know he’s too lazy, gross and immature?Time to “mother up” and demand the co-parent you need. If he can’t be it, leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2018): So you're saying he was a gent for the past six years; and one day he woke-up, and he's a total jerk?
One thing I know about people like you've described in your boyfriend, is that they have a consistent pattern of behavior. It all started at the beginning of the relationship; and you chose to ignore or tolerate it. If anything, he has gone from bad to worse; and it has gotten so bad that you don't know what to do. Now you've got a child by that pig of a man.
He needs to be given an ultimatum, and you need to protect the children. This takes a lot of courage, and will not be easy. You've been arguing with him, thinking you can yell at him and make him behave. He is not a 17 year-old boy, he is a man. You deal with adults on the adult-level.
You must explain to him in no uncertain terms, that he has been abusive to your child and disrespectful to you in-front of the children. You have had enough! If he wants to remain living with you, things are going to change.
You don't mean temporarily, you mean PERMANENTLY! If he ever raises his voice at your children, you will have him escorted out of the house by the police. Mean it when you say it. If he ever shows any sign of aggression towards you or either of the children; you will kick him out for good. If that becomes necessary,THEN DO IT!
Let's put it this way. The safety of the children and their well-being depends on you. There is no easy remedy. It takes courage. If you need social services until you collect child-support, so be it. Having a lazy no-count man around isn't helping, you can do badly all by yourself.
You asked for advice. Now you see, that it's not going to be easy. No, I'm not going to say go to counseling; because a man like that will not comply with that. You have to kick him out. So you have to decide what's best for you and the kids.
Young boys in abusive situations will place himself in danger to protect you. As he grows, he will grow less and less tolerant of the way that man treats you; ultimately, they will clash. By that time, that SOB has been around far too long! I don't know your son's age, but he is already beginning to resent that man!
You had better start programming your mind to leave him; and arranging your life to live as a single-mother. You've held onto that loser for too long; and now your patience and tolerance has been pushed to the limit. Most importantly, he is being abusive to the children. If he abuses the daughter, he bully's the boy!
It annoys you? That's all???
He has to go!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 August 2018):
 I can see why you find it hard to leave, you have been together for 6 years and share a child.
But... it seems to me that you have 3 children at home, one who is a GROWN ASS MAN.
Does he not work? Or is he "supposedly" taking care of the house and little ones, while you work?
If so, maybe the reason he is acting like a child and not a grown man is because he is unfulfilled, unhappy and UNPRODUCTIVE. (not saying that is your fault because it IS NOT your fault). But if he doesn't REALLY want to clean house, cook and take care of the kids HE needs to talk to you and GET off his bum and get a job. That way the kid(s) can go to daycare/sitter while BOTH of you work.
YOU chose this man. You chose to have a child with him. So there must have been something redeeming about him? Or is it that he just doesn't try any more. He just suck the life out of you and act like a kid?
The thing is OP, I'm guessing this behavior isn't new, you just ignored it in the past. Thinking or hoping he would "outgrow" it and become the man you want/think he could be. That isn't realistic. He is who he is. You how to decide is you want to continue this relationship or not.
You could sit him down (after the kids are in bed or at a babysitter) and tell him, this isn't working. I feel like I have 3 kids, not two. You are not pulling your weight. Are you happy with how things are, because I am not. And if he is not happy either, ASK him how do we fix this?
It might make him think, it might just make him throw fits.
But doing NOTHING will achieve NOTHING.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 August 2018):
 Why are you still with this disrespectful uncouth piece of scum? Is this all you think you deserve? More importantly, is this all you think your children deserve?
Whether or not you allow him to treat YOU in this way is entirely your choice, as you are an adult. However, your children, especially your daughter, are growing up learning that this is how adults behave. Luckily your son already realizes what this man is like and is being forced into the position of protector of his mother. No child should have to do that. This is likely to leave permanent scars on him and affect future relationships.
What is it you like about this man? As soon as I read the heading of your post, I knew what my answer would be. He disgusts you yet you stay with him? Why?
If you don't value YOURSELF enough, at least realize the damage you are doing to your children by staying with this specimen. Find somewhere else for you and your children to live or, if this is YOUR home, throw this scumbag out where he belongs with the rubbish. You have tried to change him and he has shown you nothing but disdain and disrespect. This will NOT get better. Put your children first and don't expose them to behaviour like this. Is this how you want THEM to behave when they are older?
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