A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my question is this:I had an affair with a married woman that became much more to both of us. This was 7 years ago. I am now married and my wife knows that i have tried and sometimes managed to contact this woman. Last week was the last straw. the womans husband found out and contacted my wife and basically asked me to leave them alone. The other day, i found a list my wife made of all her "partners" one in particular hurt to see. Somehow he knew the details of the night my wife and I first slept together (I was her first 16 years ago) He knew some things that only someone that was there would know. She has lied over and over when it has come up that she has no idea how he knows. What do I do with this? I was beginning the LOVE DARE, but now want to pack up all her shit and put it outside? Is this fair? At this moment i detest her....Help
View related questions:
affair, married woman Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Sounds like your marriage is in trouble.Think about it like this.If she had done nothing wrong would you still want to be with her?Do you still love her?If the answers to both questions are yes you should try to start over at square one.If you can`t forgive her how can you expect her to forgive you?Try and put the past behind you and move forward. Start fresh.Buy her flowers and take her out.Be open an honest with her.Communication is vital.Talk.Remember why you married this girl and focus on the good things.Don`t let the fact that this guy knows things upset you so much.If you can`t put your anger aside then you are risking your marriage. At this point it really may be nothing. It could all be her way of lashing out at you. You need to apologize to her if you haven`t done so. You need to reassure her that you fucked up and that you are truly sorry. If your doing and thinking these things in your anger imagine what she is doing in hers.She is your wife.You made a commitment to her.There should be no secrets between you to and the mistrust had been building and festering for years.Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.I would advise you to do everything you can to save your marriage.Don`t yell at her,and defiantly don`t throw her or her stuff out.If the love dare was the subject of the movie "Fireproff" then I think you need to keep to that and realize it`s not an easy course to take.The things most worth doing in life are rarely easy.I wish you the best of luck.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Try counseling. You both have done some damage to your relationship. If you want this to work out you need a "do-over" point where both of you work on being faithful and putting the bullshit aside and that includes outside friends that are getting too close to either of you and causing problems. Couples should resist the urge to have opposite sex friends, or keep in contact with their ex'es. It never works out for the best. Continue the LOVE DARE and see how it goes. I wish you the best.
...............................
|
