A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:hi there I have one big problem - trust. My husband, for over 15 years now, has accused me of having an affair behind his back. I haven't,or ever would, do anything like that to anyone and in his mind he thinks something did take place and there is no shifting it. This was when we were courting. Since then we've got married had 4 children and seem to be on the whole happy. Obviously no relationship is happy all the time but recently it's getting me really down. Whenever we argue it comes up - I start crying defending myself and on occasion he has asked if all the children are his. We emigrated recently so this has obviously put strain on the relationship as he's in UK and I'm in NZealand as we couldn't sell our house or business and he went back to rent them out. We've been apart 2 months now and he's coming over at xmas for 2 months. He now says after that he isn't coming back. I feel totally on my own. Any conversations we have on the phone result in him shouting. What do I do? Go home and sort it out or wait till xmas? What do I do about the accusations?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Your husband obviously has no trust in you and is not going to give up on his accusations about you having an affair [wow - with 4 kids how would you find the time?? LOL!]
My ex behaved in a similar way and I was accused of having sex with all my male co-workers, it caused a lot of stress in our marriage and then I found out that he had been having an affair with one of his co-workers.....
What he is doing to amounts to emotional abuse, I would also suggest getting a private detective to check things out....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSometimes I wonder do I deserve this? I haven't had or ever would have an affair or affairs and consider myself very loyal and this really really hurts me to think he'd even consider I'd do anything like this. He, I know, is loyal to me but the fact he thinks I am not is very hurtful. I feel heartened that you think I deserve better. He's a good dad, a hard worker but is very very insecure so how do u convince him that u wouldn't do anything like that to hurt him? I think I have to bite the bullet so to speak and seek a marriage councillor or leave. With 4 children it isn't easy.
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female
reader, jilliebean  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Hey! I think that if you honestly are doing nothing to make him not trust you.. don't go back to him! It will never end.. if you go back to him you will have to put up with his accusations forever. There is no relationship without trust! You deserve better!
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