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*ojoeterno
writes: hi.. I'm a 20 year old female and I've been with my 21 year old boyfriend almost a year now. We love each other very much and have plans to get married when we finish studying, we've started saving and everything.The two of us study architecture and are in the same year. It's an extremely tough career to study and the sleepless nights affect me more than they do him, being as i tend to be a little sickly since I started to study this. Lately it has gotten tougher and sometimes when I haven't slept for ages and I tend to get a little distant and feeling sick doesn't leave me in the best disposition to be cutesy and hugging all the time. My boyfriend doesn't understand this and he thinks that I don't love him anymore and that I want to leave, and the way he puts it makes me feel like he wants to leave me. But god knows that we don't. We've had little problems like this for a while and stupid little fights that end up being communication issues or me wanting for attention or stupid things like that. But he treats me like a princess, so I don't know why I do that. I don't know what to do or how to help him understand or what's going on. Please help me navigate through these rough waters and help this relationship become stable again. Reply to this Question
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (7 November 2005):
 It seems to me that you both want attention from each other and because you both can't give this to each other freely, you are both becoming somewhat insecure.
Investigate any ways together that you can make yourself better and get more sleep. Why are you suffering more than him? Why do you have sleepless nights anyway? Is it due to stress? Find ways to minimise this as despite the difficulty of your chosen career, it shouldn't be affecting your health in this detrimental way.
Decide together that one night of the week that neither of you will work and you will spend some quality time together talking or doing whatever you wish to do. Get an early night together too. It is important that you do set aside this time for your own health and for your relationship. This way, communication disruptions are also less likely to arise.
Allow each other to express how you feel and listen attentively. This will help your relationship to become more stable again but you do need to make time to do this.
You will get through this rough time; it will just take patience and determination to make things better between you.
Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): First check with your doctors to see if your not sleeping may be due to some of the environmental factors in your life. If you are the typical architecture student, you are constantly having projects to build, out of cardboard, and glue. You may be having a reaction to the fumes and this is making your " sickly". Find out. Next, talk to your bf very honestly and directly about your feelings, and what you are going through with the lact of sleep, and feeling sick. If you are taking any drugs, or on birth control pills, these may also be responsible for your condition. Talk to him about all this. It sounds like you both really love each other. Now is the time to share your problems and frustrations with him. Maybe he can help you find ways to get more sleep, so that you will have the energy to spend ringing his chimes.
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