A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife hasn't a huge sex drive. For most of the 25 years of our marriage, our sex life has been hit and miss. And despite an arguement now and again about it, I've always left her off the hook. But recently we had a huge arguement about it and I told her I'd been deeply unhappy for years. It didn't come as any surprise to her. She was genuinely upset about everything and has promised to change things. She said that she would fulfill my fantasies etc. (nothing weird or freaky!) because they were important to me. But now I'm feeling that I don't want to have sex etc. because I think she's doing something she really doesn't want to and I feel it would be meaningless. What do you all think of the situation? Thanks in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 March 2010):
Why don't you take the time to have lots of foreplay by exploring her body more... Perhaps start by giving her a massage and kisses all over. Or run her bath/shower with her. Compliment her on how beautiful she is and how sexy she is; even when not having sex. Help her with dinner. Take her for a walk while holding her hand. You have to understand that sex for women is primarily an emotional connection whereas for men its primarily a physical one. So you have to appeal to her emotional side by nurturing and caring for her. You can't ignore her then only buck up when you want game. She will just go through the motions which will be unsatisfying for you both. When was the last time you bought her a sexy negligée? The set of matching mugs you may have been buying (and only at Christmas to boot) won't send the right message which is "I desire you". So spend a few weeks doing one thoughtful thing at least every 2nd day. It maybe bringing home her favourite dessert or putting her favourite chocolate on her pillow. It may just be making the bed for once. This may all sound like high maintenance but you have to do something if you want things to change. Even just admitting that you appreciate her and would like to care for her more can work wonders. All the best.
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