A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 and I've virtually always been single. The few times I have managed to ask a girl out it has lasted at most a few weeks (clearly they have come to their senses). I also tend to get the "I just wanna be friends" reaction from girls a lot, which is no help at all, because the two good female friends I have had in the past both exploited my kindness and didn't repay it when I needed them to be there - so I have decided that I will not be having any more female friends (except the by-association ones like your mate's g/f).I have pretty low self-esteem when it comes to my looks. I'm not the best looking guy in the world, in fact that is probably putting it quite mildly, but there are plenty of other ugly guys about and they can get girlfriends, often pretty decent looking ones. I find it almost impossible to ask a girl out unless I find myself simulataneously in a particularly good mood and under the influence of alcohol. I usually feel really foolish and even guilty when I even contemplate asking a girl out, as if I am completely deluded to think that a woman could possibly find me attractive enough to date. I'm not a particularly shy person in other situations, but I just can't get past this brick wall. It is starting to bother me a lot as I have emotional needs like everyone else, and they are not being fulfilled. It is also causing me to feel embarassed and pathetic in the eyes of my friends and colleagues (not that they give me grief about it, but then people don't necessarily say what they think). I have also found myself increasingly dealing with my frustration and lonliness by drinking excessively. I get drunk most friday and saturday nights and sometimes during the week too. I don't think I am addicted to alcohol, but I really don't have anything else to do with my time or money. I'm pretty certain that if I didn't have this emotional void in my life I could easily cut down my drinking to much healthier and more reasonable levels.Would you have any advice for me?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 dear anon
i am sorry u feel the way you do, however you are to be blame for your dilemma. you need to start believing in yourself before someone invest in you. learn to make friends with all male and female species that are classified as human with self control. people associate themselves with you only when you associate yourself with them and all you have been doing is feeling sorry for yourself living your lonely life, drinking alone and doing god knows what all by yourself while the world is filled with more that billions of people. dont wait for girls to feel sorry for you thats why u end up with the one who exploited you.
If u dont know how to ask a girl out why dont you hang-out with other boys listen to their conversations and choose what can help u if u are ashamed to ask for some tips. befriend your female collegues listen to their conversation that way you will learn a few about women and u will find out that they are not difficult species after all.
like cd said no one will love u until you can love yourself, i mean how would you know its love if u dont know the meaning of it? brace yourself the world is not friendly if u dont equip yourself to fight back and believe me fighting back with alcohol is not the way to go.
if u feel alcohol is the only thing that can keep u company why dont u volunteer in some community upliftment programs and give back to the community maybe your girl is right there who knows? get help with AA as soon as possible the fact that alcohol makes u feel better its a reason for u to call them.
good luck
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (22 January 2007):
 Yes. You have rock bottom self confidence. There's so much truth in the saying that nobody can love you until you love yourself. You're also letting a few bad experiences stop you being friends with any girls which means you're missing out. I think you'd benefit from talking things through with a counsellor to up your self confidence and hopefully everything should improve from there.
CD
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