A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:Hey,I've been having issues with my boyfriend for a while, and eventually they became overwhelming. There suddenly was too many to fire fight. It was to do with my bf not really finding it easy to communicate. He slowly got better, but when more issues arose, we found them hard to talk about. He didn't really show much consideration - and this constantly hurt me, although I was sure his motives weren't malicious. I hated keep bringing things up when they hurt, so i was trying to keep them in and be patient and remind myself of the nice qualities. But I hated that i had to keep telling him what hurts me and how to nip them in the bud, because in the year we dated, he never mentioned one thing to me that was hurting him, nothing, apparently, constantly happy...When I explain to people the type of things that hurt me, they say he's not as invested as you are. Which is hurtful.I didn't know how to tell if I was just convenience or future. He would say we can work and live abroad, which i took as a sign he wants a future. A few things happened which made me lose trust, white lies, one female friend in particular was causing me problems. And all the situations where he came across inconsiderate, i.e not listening to me or trying to understand my pov. I'd have to explain to him twice before he got it, or mirror him for him to feel the same thing i struggle with. It became 'hard work' it's like he couldnt 'see' what i 'see'. He wouldn't take my word for it, so i had to 'show' him, which hurt me to keep doing it.We exchanged a few emails - he said we needed a serious talk and i sounded deflated and convinced it was for the best to go our separate ways. (in my head i was fed up with raising the issues and leading them and didnt want to keep being the 'bad guy') But he has to come to mine on the weekend to collect some things. I said I was gutted it ended, and he said he was too on text. How do i know i did the right thing :s I have cried so much prior to breaking up with all the hurting, i havent cried since we officially did. I'm up and down with angry/sad emotions.
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female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (1 August 2012):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your kind words.When I said to him I loved him, to me it meant we are going to grow old and have a lot of adventures along the way. I don't get into an exit relationships very quickly. And I really thought I'd get it right this time. Makes me sad. I feel like he wasn't being completely honest and transparent. I'd given him chances to exit previously, but he wanted to work on it, even this time, he said we need to talk, but i'd already convinved myself I need out - it was completely wiping my focus out. No matter how much sport, work, or time out with friends I had, it was de-motivating me more and more. When I gave him my break off speech, he thought I was just saying it to be 'nasty' and don't think he took it seriously, then i didnt change my approach in the email and i think he realised i meant it. Automatically my stress lifted. I am able to focus and feel 'happy' again, but i'm just so sad i couldn't make it work. I'm still attracted, but just too many hurts burnt me out. I was starting to lose myself :( I've learnt a lot about how to make my boundaries and needs crystal clear. (I didn't need to think much about it last time because my ex just naturally adapted to them, unfortunately my ex's jealousy sabotaged the last relationship :( I'm happy single, I was before I got into this one. but I just wish I could be in love and have amazing adventures with a great guy that loves me the same way :(
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 It sounds as if the two of you were just not compatible.
You say he could never see your point of view about issues in the relationship; never expressed what he was actually thinking or feeling about things, and what about the "female friend" who was causing problems? What was she to him?
No, seems to me you're going to be far better off without him in your life.
I know it wasn't easy to make the break, because you had hoped for a better outcome, so no wonder you have a lot of sad and angry feelings. That's only to be expected. Be patient with yourself and don't doubt your decision! In time you'll see all this in a completely different, better light.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Look, no one can tell you of you did the right thing, that's your decision to make and my personal opinion is if that is what you needed to do then that's what you needed to do x
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Hi Rosycheeks,
Your question is, did you do the right thing. You did a lot of right things. One you used good communication skills. Two, you worked on problems in the relationship instead of fighting. Three you waited until he was ready to break up so it could be mutual.
I know that is not what you were asking but I think you need the boost up. Break ups are hard even when done well. What you really want to know is was breaking up the right choice. From what you have written you both came to the conclusion that things just weren't working. There is a pretty good chance you both were right.
FA
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