A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really want to get my wife to be kinky.... she is just very shy (still) in bed and barely like to do anything outside of penatrating. I would live for her to [do more adventurous acts involving oral sex and anal play]. we do [cunnilingus] sometimes but she just does not know what to do. She did ask me if we could watch porn together on night and have sex, so I am thnking that is a good thing... I also tell her that my member belongs to her hoping that she will lay me down and go wild on it... but no luck...[Mod note: some explicit details removed by mod.]
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female
reader, janice201149 +, writes (2 September 2011):
 Talk about what you're going to do ahead of time, and be sure that it turns you both on.
Plan ahead, even deciding on special music. Try out your equipment ahead of time. Test everything, and make sure it's in an easy-to-reach place so you don't fumble around in the dark.
Don't spend a lot of money trying kinky sex. In the beginning, thick yarn is just as good as ropes or chains, is less scary, and can be just as exciting. Keep a scissors handy to cut the yarn quickly instead of trying to undo stuck knots.
Try different roles and different kinds of kinky sex like silks, leathers, feathers, spanking. You don't want to get fixated at one level and never be able to enjoy sex any other way.
Never indulge in sado-masochistic or bondage sex play when you're angry with each other or when your relationship is having other problems which could run over into your erotic games.
Never leave a bound or gagged person alone, and never block a person's breathing passages.
Never cross the line into real pain or hurting. Be sure to agree on a "code word" that means STOP, and always stop instantly when you hear it.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 RedAthena's advice is very good.
I would buy her a couple of classic female-written books that are very sexual. Then let her read them but don't be involved: let her have her own experience wi them.
I recommend the story of o.
I had a girlfriend similar once, I bought her that book and a vibrator and said 'have fun'.
She changed, a lot, and for the better!
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (2 September 2011):
Have a conversation about sex at a time when you aren't planning on having sex. That way there is no pressure for anyone to do anything, you are just discussing ideas.
Then, tell her exactly what you want. If you want her to give you head, tell her that you want her to give you head. If you want her to be on her knees, or on a table, or suspended from the ceiling, whatever it is, tell her. Be specific. Ask her what she thinks of doing it, how she feels about it. Ask her what things she is interested in, and what other things she is not. Ask her what things don't appeal that much but she is happy to try. Ask her what things she is scared of.
If you guys find it difficult to talk about sex, have a conversation about that first. Ask her why she thinks it is hard for her to talk about sex. Be curious. Find out about how you both work in a way that you might not be familiar with.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (2 September 2011):
 My suggestion: Go to a good bookstore together and head to the relationship section. There are usually several books on sexual intimacy for couples. Some even have game like qualities where you pick a card out of a deck with suggestions for that moment of intimacy.
Some books have pictures, discussions to open talk about fantasies, etc.
Why not make up your own "game" of sorts. Both of you can write down 10 different things you would like to do to each other in the next 30 days. Toss them in a jar. Take turns picking from the jar what is on tonights "menu". Get creative to ward of boredom in the bedroom!
Just remember, this is something you do together. Your wife is not a sex vending machine, she is your partner! It will be far more exciting to discover WITH her something wonderful and exciting, rather than treat you like a sexual dart board and hope she gets a bullseye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): Are you hoping to give or to receive? If you're willing to give first, she may follow. If you just want to receive, good luck on that. An investment of time on your part learning how to please her may make her more eager to please you. Touching, massage, affection, WITHOUT sex will let her know you love HER, and that you're not just using her body for your sexual pleasure. And never forget that time honored, traditional, and oh-so-very-true advice: sex starts long before you get to the bedroom. Honoring and respecting your wife as an equal partner in your relationship can go a long way toward heating up your sex life.
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