A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why does my boyfriend keep pictures of his ex on his computer and a picture of both of them together as his desktop screensaver? Why does he say that he has a lot of love for her but he loves me.He has been with me for almost a year now. Any advice
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Just dump him and that'll be that. How stupid and disrespectful can he be? He shouldn't even be in a relationship if he is still infatuated with his ex. Can you understand maybe why they are no longer together?And how long have you known about this and accepting it? Have you no self esteem that you feel you need to accept this crap?Kick it to the curb and have higher expectations the next time around. Don't be telling this story to future potential boyfriends, they would wonder about what you were thinking.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Wow. Well, having her pictures as part of a ton of saved pictures on a computer is one thing (unless they're nudes!!!). But having her on as a screensaver and saying he still has a "lot of love" for her?? This guy is an affair waiting to happen. He's not over her.
If he had not made the "I still have a lot of love for her" statement, I'd be wondering if he had a screensaver that just cycles through every picture on his desktop, which is a common thing. But as it sounds like from you, it might be his computer background wallpaper too? Either way, the love statement erases all doubt of a hangup.
I'd be honest with him and tell him that you're not interested in dating a guy who still enshrines his ex in any capacity. If it were just a couple of pictures buried in a photo album or picture directory, that's one thing. Having it on a desktop screensaver or wallpaper is something entirely different. Still professing love for her is a dealbreaker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): There is only one reason why any guy would keep pics of his "ex" on his computer, as his screensaver and tell his current flame he still has alot of love for this woman...he is still in love with her.
My advice? Find someone with the maturity and sensitivity to get involved with you whole-heartedly not half assed-ly.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Some pictures squirreled away are understandable. Annoying, certainly, but many men are just pack rats. I'm sure I still have pictures of my ex's somewhere too. My ex-fiancee's family even still had a framed picture of her with a previous boyfriend taken on their way to the Prom, just because it was a good picture of her in a dress. But if your boyfriend has this picture prominently placed (such as a wallpaper or screen saver that he sees frequently), then that's an issue. He admits that he has love for her, and is keeping a picture of him and her together where he can see it. It sounds like he's having trouble moving on completely. If you ask gently enough, he might replace it but would also subconsciously resent it (aren't feelings fun?).
Maybe you can take a picture of the two of you and set that as his new screen saver as a surprise for him, without mentioning the ex. Just surprise him with that romantic gesture. If he gets unreasonably upset or puts the old picture back, then I think you two need to have a talk about who he wants to be with.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Have you asked him why he still has pictures of her on his desktop especially as his screen saver? As far as the pictures saved on there, he probably is just too lazy to go through and delete them.
The screen saver, that's weird..you need to ask him about that. Politely ask him to take it down, seeing as it makes you uncomfortable.
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