A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been going out close to a year now. When i first met her she seemed to be wonderful and so motivated! Always on top of things and busy etc. Well she made me so happy and basically made my head spin just being around her. I made her my girlfriend soon after we really met (because we met through a friend but didn't really meet until later on, after we had exchanged numbers and stuff). Well 8 months go by and i slowly start to feel my feelings for her fading. I don't know why for the longest time! I've talked to my friends about it and I think it's because when we met we didn't take it slow we talked and stuff yes but never actually hung out before we got together, so that's not good. Also because it might sound odd but she's not motivated and i really don't like that. When she met my grandmother all i could think was what is she going to think?? Well good thing she didn't ask about college because my girlfriend doesn't know if she wants to go. Scary! I've tried numerous times motivating her but she just cant see herself doing any of that.. These 2 major things bother me and I don't have any other girls in mind but there are a few that i like personality wise. I find myself saying geez i wish my girlfriend did things like that and that sounds bad but I can't help it. She doesn't have a clue how i feel but i feel if i would tell her i would break her heart. what do i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Thanks a bunch guys this has really help me to realize things! I can't thank you enough.. thanks!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Actually, if you tell her you want to break up, sure it'll hurt her, but it will eventually set her free, and it's a lot better and more honorable than you cheating on her and devastating her.
Just be really gentle when you do it, but leave no doubt that you've thought about it and that your interests are taking you down different paths.
As far as you taking it slow, that's not it. Basically, the more you got to know her, the more you realized that it wasn't the best match.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 To be honest I don't think this has much to do with whether you hung out before you got together or not. Relationships can foster friendship, it doesn't have to be friendship before relationship, and different relationships develop differently. So analyzing where you went wrong won't solve much Im afraid. I think the simple answer is the best in this case: she's just not your type of girl. You grew apart, or in this period of time you realized she's not your ideal woman. It's not something you need to excuse yourself with, you don't see yourself being with her until you die, or even another year perhaps, so why should you stick to it? She's just not your type of girl. You lost interest. You slid apart. It happens.
I think you know it's time to let go. It will be hard, but you sound like you're pretty convinced your feelings are fading, and honestly the worst thing you can do is stick around until whatever friendly warm feelings you have left are drained and you start to get annoyed with her or even resent her.
Why you fell out of love with her? You'll know later when you look back upon it, then it will become clear. But right now, while you're in the middle of it, it is difficult to pin point exactly why you feel the way you do. But you don't need an excuse for your feelings, just be honest with the girl and say you're not exactly sure why, but that you can't help the way you feel.
Tell her the truth. Yes it will probably hurt her, but believe me.. it will be a lot less pain if you do it now than if you spin her along in a dead end relationship and wait until your one year anniversary or even further in. Don't fool her into thinking everything is alright... that will hurt a lot more.
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