A
female
age
36-40,
*est country juilet
writes:I'd really like some advice about my fella - firstly, he is older than me; I am 23 and he is almost 30. This to me is not a problem until we do things like have 'dinner parties' or meet with his brothers etc - and whilst they can talk about all manner of things, I am still a student doing my masters and so can only talk about being poor, or booze. I dont feel I have an 'adult' life so feel like I either show him up or that I am not good enough to be there. I desperately want to seem more adult and not embarrass him by being a little girl.secondly, he has had a real long term girl before me, and I haven't really had a fella for more than a year ever. Unfortunately, I am stupidly jealous f this fact, made more so by the photos and momento's that he has of their time together which seem to be bloody everywhere. I cant ask him not to have photos of them about because I think thats rude, and why shouldnt he have a nice photo of the two of them at the grand canyon on the wall? but every time i suggest something he goes "oh yeah, me and *girl* did that a few years ago, i should get the name of that *place* from her"great.Is it silly to be feeling these things about my guy? am I just being a silly girl? how can i 'keep up with him' and prove my worth? I dont want to sell myself short, or do something daft like dye my hair blonde or anything, but I do need to feel secure and not second rate to the *girl* who got away.Advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
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female
reader, west country juilet +, writes (14 June 2011):
west country juilet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheers for the advice guys, many thanks and all, really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 You are studying for your Masters and all you can talk about is booze and being poor? What the heck is your field of study?
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Eh, i don't think it's silly to be a bit upset by his still having photos of the ex around. That would bother me a ton.
I think i would sit him down and talk to him about it. Let him know how seeing those photos makes you feel!
I really don't think that's anywhere out of bounds!
As for trying to fit in with an older crowd: I used to have that issue, too. I was fresh out of college, and really the only things i knew how to talk about in a social situation were sports and videogames. I had zero in common with folks that were, in many cases, twice my age. When i first entered the working world, i was continuously in social situations where i felt i could contribute nothing to the conversation. Mortgages, kids going off to college, home care, all were alien topics to me.
What i found was that with experience and time you start to be more comfortable in these situations, and start to be able to contribute.
Eventually you start to figure out the standard conversation starters, like "oh, what do you do?" and "How is work going?" and you'll even pick up on siblings, children, other people that you can bring up in conversation.
Just be patient, be attentive, and eventually you'll be able to jump right in.
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