A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, my boyfriend of 9 months is friends with his ex girlfriends, mostly from another state, but I'm insecure about that and he knows this. I've been trying to be more understanding, but I'm beginning to think that my jealousy isn't that strange. One ex in particular texts him, not constantly, but she has about 5 times in the last 6 months or less when I have been at my boyfriend's place. Tonight, he gets a text and I already knew it was her. I simply tried telling my boyfriend I thought it was weird because one, it has been a long long time since they dated, he used to live in Utah, thats where she is (We're in Massachusetts btw). Second, he has not seen her since he moved here, 12 years ago, third, he doesn't make a huge effort to contact her, she's always the one texting him things like "miss you!" or "hugs!" And I know because he tells me what she says, I don't snoop. While explaining this to my boyfriend, he kept interrupting me saying you're being jealous again, a friend contacts me and you're getting so jealous. He knows my self esteem isn't good and I felt like he was disgusted with my "jealousy" the way he was speaking to me. I just feel like thats excessive, because I'm only at my boyfriend's place 2 times a week, and he tells me its her texting, so if she's texted that many times and I am not even around that much, I don't think I'm being overly jealous, right? He's also told me, that she's married, knows he has a girlfriend, and that when she is in the area for work, she's asked him to go visit her in a hotel...that's not suspicious. He's never gone to visit her, not even when he wasn't with me, and I'm not worried about him cheating or anything because he treats me well and loves me, but I didn't like how defensive he got about me trying to say I thought it was weird how she still talks to him. I mean, I don't even talk to friends down the street from a couple years ago. Just wanted a third party's opinion to see if I was overreacting or not. Thanks!
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 theirs nothing wrong with him texting an ex and he hasnt seen her for 12 years. i know when i split up with my ex i used to talk to him alot once things had settled i value his opinion on matters and he knows me so well we live far apart and dont see each other much so we txt or msn now and again..so he is well within his rights to talk to her but hes telling you so thats him showing commitment to you. sometimes we can all be jealous of ex's but i dont think you have any reason to be at all but i do see were ure coming from. so i would drop the issue on this matter or its only going to get worse. or talk to him how u feel about it. and if he wanted her do u think he would still be with you, or given up chances to meet her. i know its hard but enjoy all you both have to offer each other. thats my opinion aphex x
A
male
reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 I can understaind your Reaction... !!
(1) You are not into talking too much to anyone other than him
(2) He talks to his Ex.
It always bothers us more when our partner does something that we won't do. You just need to tell him that you're Uncomfortable.. !! Let him know that you don't need this.. !!
You have to be Polite and understanding.. Sometimes we keep waiting for our partner to understand, we get frustrated when he does not, and make things worse.. The best opetion is to MAKE him understand..
G'day
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (24 May 2008):
 I can understand that you feel threatened by this and it must realy annoy you. It certainly sounds harmless from his point of view but she shouldnt be asking him to meet her at hotels and telling him she misses him. Maybe she is the one that is a little jealous and has found it hard to let him go all these years. Its fine for her to be in contact with him now and again but a true friend would stop texting him when she knows you are around and maybe even all together out of respect for you. And I dont think its unreasonable for him to ask this of her. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Aw hun, jelousy isnt a nice feeling and i can understand where youre coming from but if youre not worried about him cheating then theres nothing to worry about. Maybe you could explain to him that you dont actually need him to stop having small contacs with his friend but that it makes you feel funny. If you make it clear that your not accusing him of anything he might be more receptive! :-D
I hope this helps, I really dont think you need to worry ok?? He seems pretty trustworthy. if he was hiding her from you or meeting her in a hotel then that would be more worrying! :-D try to relax and enjoy eachother!
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