A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I lost my erection about a month ago and my wife is just on my back all the time about it. Why can't she just leave me alone while I work this out? She's got a damn' vibrator, is it too much to ask that she backs off? And for that matter, why do women think ED is no big issue for a man? (I mean the kind of stuff I'm reading here:http://www.sex-and-relationships.com/pages/LH/problems/problem-erectile-dysfunction4.html ) is just downright insulting. Doesn't she (or my wife for that matter) realise - I assume it's a "she" wrote that - to a man, having a hard cock is necessecary to feel like a man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): you know sometimes we wives try to get to the bottom of the problem, not realising that we are making things worse. maybe your wife doesn't know exactly how you are feeling about the "inadequate" equipment right now. so perhaps telling her in a sensitive manner that you need time to work this out by yourself may get her to stop nagging about the problem. i'm sure she has questions as well so try talking about it. maybe she is blaming herself. you sound angry and frustrated. its doing you no good. go to the doc and TELL the wife you are handling this your way.
A
female
reader, sum4gvn +, writes (14 August 2009):
 I think it's insensitive for your wife to harass you over your ED. However, just as a man feels responsible when his female partner doesn't orgasm your wife may feel responsible for your ED (like all of a sudden you're not attracted to her anymore). So, she needs to be empathetic but just give her the benefit of the doubt. In the meantime, I agree, seek a Dr.'s advice and let your wife know that pressure to perform isn't helping.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): If you had heart problems, would you expect her to leave you alone about that? Sexual problems affect her...she doesn't get her sexual needs met and if you are asking her to leave you alone about it, the situation probably makes her very anxious. More than likely she feels that you don't think your sexual relations with her is important to you, obviously they are to her.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (13 August 2009):
 Are you considering having a doctor's opinion about your problem? I think you should do this. There are many treatments and among them successful ones, and maybe it is just a temporary condition, if you are going through a period of exacerbated stress or something of the kind. The article you linked here is in no way insulting. Unless you think it is all a lie made up for men with this problem to feel better. I don't think so! The comparison with Smurfs I found was excellent... and funny. They clearly say a man with ED is not a Smurf, but he may feel like one when he 'tickles' the matter in a wrong way. The psychological factor is very important when it comes to ED, because a matter like this will often be made worse by feelings of inadequacy and the alike that spring from the believing that as a man with ED, one is essentially different. Check this with a specialist what are your options and what to expect, how to react, what to do. Your wife probably wants to help you but doesn't know how, let her be, don't reject her, rejecting her can put the marriage in a more dangerous place than ED ever can. She may nag you about seeing a doctor but don't see her as a boss who says "solve these reports and bring them tomorrow" but someone who cares how YOU feel and wants you to feel better for you yourself. I would be supportive too, if my partner were to have this problem, if you feel she is going a bit over the top then kindly tell her not to insist.You are quite lucky that she is so open minded, do you know how many women are ashamed or uncomfortable to use vibrators? You could incorporate these toys in your sex life, they can spice up things a bit, and you shouldn't see them as a replacement or some kind of competition, they are made of plastic and you are a human being, with feelings, intelligence, doubts, and hopefully a sense of humour, don't take everything so seriously. Sexual toys really have nothing to do with your abilities as a lover, so many couples are using them, and if your wife extracts pleasure from them, why not being open to experiment a little? See them as a new element to sex, nothing more.I understand this may be hard to do but others have reported ED before, yet they manage to not let the problem become them, you are a man with a case of ED like there are so many, but you are not ED. See if the doctor recommends you some medicine or just a sort of 'vacation of the mind' - maybe you are too busy or stressed at this time in life? If you are taking medicine put it in a drawer, don't leave it where you can see it all the time and be reminded of this condition. Also, I'm sure your marriage is based on more than a few glitches in your sex life, this is to be considered as well. "What is in question through erectile dysfunction is not your manhood or masculinity, but your identification with a stereotyped and impoverished ideal of what it means to be a man." and "I would like to challenge all men with erectile dysfunction not to simply roll over and go to sleep just because they themselves and society seems to believe that it is all that is left to them, but to explore their sexuality in a new way, to experience their bodies and what they are capable of fully and deeply." - And again, the article is good, I would give it another chance and reread it, ponder over some of the ideas, including the ones from the above quoted excerpts, and not leave it at that. Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): I am sorry that your wife is so insensitive to you and your problem with ED.
I think that any man who has a partner who harps on at them about their ED will feel like they are useless.
You need to sit down and talk to your wife, tell her exactly how you feel, you also need to investigate why you are having ED.
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