A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling really confused.I've been friends with this guy for many many years now, and it's really special what we have together. He was my first crush, and I believe at different points in our friendship we both got confused feelings for eachother, but didn't act on them.Now around 3 years ago, he kissed me out of the blue, and we never talked about it just untill a while ago. Now the situation is, we usually hang out together, well the past weekend he came home for dinner, we had a little too much to drink... and we ended up hooking up. Not saying I regret it because it wasn't ackward for any of us, and we had a fantastic night together... but then the day after he called me to talk about it and here is where it gets messed up.He said he cares a lot about me, and that he respects me, therefor he wants to know if I'm expecting some sort of commitment from him. He just broke up with his fiance a couple of months ago, and I know him enough to be sure that if I pressure him into something, he'll run for the door, so I told him I don't expect anything else than what he can give. I know I'm settling down for less, because I'm having feelings for him, but I'm afraid if i let him know it will end up damaging our frienship.He also told me that things are great btw us, and that if it is ok with me, he'll like to keep things like that.... he pretty much told me he wants us to be friends with beneficts there.I don't know what to do, he is a great friend, a good lover, but I'm scared it will end up hurting me bad in the end.Suggestions please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): In my experience it's not a good idea because 9/10 someone always gets hurt. If you're going to have sex with someone then make sure you're in a relationship otherwise don't bother. I hate to say it but it's usually the woman that gets hurt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): FWB's is guaranteed to ruin your friendship and hurt you. I think you already know this. He doesn't see you as relationship material.
Now I think you've already made up your mind that you're going to go ahead with this and you've only come here to find out how much this is going to hurt you when it ends badly with him finding another woman as is his plan.
Well OP it's going to devastate you, it will tear you apart and you won't be able to be around him anymore. You will no longer have him as a friend and you will be utterly destroyed because even though it's perfectly and crystal clear that he will never have a relationship with you other than FWB's you're still going to fall ever more in love with, your hope will grow too and you will be very hurt when he finds that other girl and calls off your arrangement.
You've made your choice, so in a couple of months you'll see for yourself why it would have been better to keep sex out of the friendship. Sex is an act of romance OP not friendship, it always changes everything. But you'll see and when the time comes around, come back to us we'll help you make sense of it and see if we can help you get over your crushing devastation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): FWB's is guaranteed to ruin your friendship and hurt you. I think you already know this. He doesn't see you as relationship material.
Now I think you've already made up your mind that you're going to go ahead with this and you've only come here to find out how much this is going to hurt you when it ends badly with him finding another woman as is his plan.
Well OP it's going to devastate you, it will tear you apart and you won't be able to be around him anymore. You will no longer have him as a friend and you will be utterly destroyed because even though it's perfectly and crystal clear that he will never have a relationship with you other than FWB's you're still going to fall ever more in love with, your hope will grow too and you will be very hurt when he finds that other girl and calls off your arrangement.
You've made your choice, so in a couple of months you'll see for yourself why it would have been better to keep sex out of the friendship. Sex is an act of romance OP not friendship, it always changes everything. But you'll see and when the time comes around, come back to us we'll help you make sense of it and see if we can help you get over your crushing devastation.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 November 2010):
 FWBs will end up hurting you in the end because you are already emotionally invested. In FWBs, it's a no strings attached, no feelings, just sex and that's it. He's not looking for a relationship or love, he's just looking for casual sex. If he cared about you and respected you, he wouldn't try to take it down the FWBs route. Don't go down that road, you're not emotionally cut out for it. Either keep it as friends and move on because you know that's all he wants.
Don't settle for less than you want, and what he's willing to dish out. It's NOT enough for you.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Smith +, writes (16 November 2010):
Friends with benefits is detrimental to you as a woman. do not allow yourself to be used just for your genitalia. You are worth more than that... I do recognize that you feel for him but would you want to risk meeting someone willing to commit just with you??
Let him know what you feel and want but if he comes with the "benefits" thing... I reccomend you stay just friends no kissing, touching or intercourse.
My advice!!!!
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