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male
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*rads5
writes: I need help urgent. My gf has told me that's it after we split for a few weeks. She has told me it's not working. I feel like I have been shot in the heart. I don't know how I can live without her, I really don't. I can't go 10 minutess without breaking down. What am I gonna do? I miss and love her so much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): My bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago; I know how you feel. I'm 26 and I'd never been in love like this - just completely head over heels. More than I knew I was capable of feeling. When he ended things, it was like my whole world just stopped turning; like I didn't know how to breathe without him. I'm generally pretty emotionally closed off; I'm not good at being too open and vulnerable with people. But I swear, basically everyone I know, and plenty I don't know, has seen me cry in the last few weeks. The first day, I couldn't think of him without sobbing; I couldn't tell a single person we'd broken up without getting teary, even in the middle of a grad school classroom or cafeteria with classmates all around. I scored poorly, I'm sure, - maybe failed - two final exams. I've never felt agony like this.
The good news is that today, I haven't cried at all. And I had to sit through two 90 minute classes with my ex sitting directly in front of me.
Invest in digital cable or a subscription to NetFlix. The best approach, I think, is just to numb yourself as much as possible for the first week or two, and movies are good for that - they allow you to escape. Spend a few days crying as much as you possibly can. Just sit in the shower with the water on really hot, so the steam surrounds you; it makes you able to cry for longer without getting that uncomfortable congested feeling. Have a friend or two over, if possible, and let them see you cry. Spend an hour or two telling them all about all the things you loved about your ex, or all the things you'll miss. Alternatively, if you're mad, tell them all the things you won't miss. (I still can't do this, bc I still love him - I'm not mad, just sad.) Buy a bottle of Tylenol PM and just take 2 every night before you go to sleep. You'll get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted Zzzz's, which is important. I haven't had to take any for a week and a half. I still wake up six or seven times each night, but now, somehow, I manage to put myself back to sleep. After your day or two of crying, go to the gym. Go to some kind of class if you can - it gives you something else to concentrate on, and it will get your endorphins up which actually does make things easier, at least for a little while. If you find that you're too upset to eat, be smart and pick up a case of Ensure or any weight loss meal replacement drink. Drink plenty of them, to make sure you're getting enough calories and nutrients and to support your new workouts. If you're the kind of person to eat MORE when you're upset, let yourself. You're going to the gym to work out, and now is the time to just be irresponsible and do what feels good. And if that means eating nothing but candy, cookies and ice cream on Saturday, then so be it. Get a notebook and write and write and write about what you're feeling.
Eventually, you'll get tired of all of this. You'll be surprised - it won't take long before you're sick of feeling sorry for yourself and you can't stand to hear yourself think the same thoughts even one more time. That's good - it's progress. Eventually, you won't be thinking them anymore.
I still miss my ex. I still catch myself hoping, subconsciously, maybe 10 times a day, that he will change his mind and we will be together again. The thought of him ever being with another woman drives me almost to the brink of madness; I honestly don't know how I would survive that. But then, I didn't know how I would survive living without him, and here I am at the end of Week 3. And life is still sucky, but it's less intensely sucky than it was. Or maybe I've just gotten more accustomed to the level of suckiness. Either way, I'm not crying as much, and now and then, I actually go several minutes in a row without thinking of him and how badly I want him back.
Good luck with it, man. I'm sorry. This sucks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): Everybody go through this but it will make you stronger if you just try to forget about it and move on, as difficult as it may be. Give her space and if she is really loves you she will come back on her own if she knows how much you care. Sometimes things happen for a reason and maybe there is something better out there for you! Find someway to you energy into something more positive that will make your life better while you are working through this. If its meant to be it will work itself out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): Everyone has been in your shoes and it is very painful and some times you can't see beyond it. Trust me when I say you will feel better in time. Get out around people, go to movies, and just do things that distract you. In time things will get better. I once heard a good saying "fake it until you make it" and believe me you will soon start to feel better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): im so sorry 2 hear this cos i know how painful it must be but trust me you will get over her even though it doesnt necesserily feel like it now. Go out with your friends more often and have a laugh with them and it will really take your mind off things even if at first you feel like you can't and you just want to curl up and cry after a while you will feel that it really helps. Remember that she was only part of your life-not your reason for living. Try out new things with your friends such as new clubs etc. and start meeting new people. I hope this helps xxx
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