A
female
age
51-59,
*otsurewhereistand
writes:I just can't figure him out..... I am so confused!!!! I am in love with a very dear friend. There are times where I am SURE he feels the same way about me....then there are times I am sure he has no romantic interest in me whatsoever. We have known each other close to 10 years. Over the past few years though we have gotten extremely close. We share a lot of common interests, beliefs, likes and dislikes, etc. There are times when we are together when everytime I look up, it's just in time to catch him looking away or when our eyes do meet we both dart them away quickly, there are times when it's just us talking that we hold gazes for quite sometime. We text almost daily, but usually just friendly banter, nothing overly flirtatious. He has opened up to me that he's been depressed lately and about what he is worried about, etc. He used to joke around and pick on me constantly, but not so much anymore. Sometimes it seems he goes out of his way to want to be with me at other times when I suggest something for us to do together he's like maybe and doesn't really seem to care one way or another if we hang out. Last time we were together he did reach over and touch my hand and arm, yet when I got ready to leave and hugged him he just put 1 arm around my waist, no rub...no pat, a gently squeeze, but pretty much just put his arm around my waist until I moved back. After writing this it seems as everything I'm writing says...Yeah we're just friends, but the feelings I have and seem to pick up on are just things I can't put into writing....So I guess my question is....What do I do next? What are some little 'tests' I can give him to see if he's feeling more....Besides the same ol', same ol' on all the websites...What are some real 'hidden' ways of telling if a guy friend is into you? Whether he has feelings and is scared to admit them to you because he doesn't know how you feel? I've always acted just friendly, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how I feel, so is he scared he'll ruin our frienship..... Why do guys have to be so confusing....EVEN MORE SO after you get grown, because I am NOT a teenager here, but a grown woman completely CONFUSED BY LOVE!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): No one else will have a friendship like the one you share. Everyone is different, so I don't think you are asking the right questions.
You are still trying to figure out what he wants out of your relationship before you will take a risk at telling him how you feel about him.
It really comes down to whether or not you think a romance is worth the risk of losing a great friendship. Is love worth that risk? You are the only one that can decide.
If you want perhaps you can throw out hypothetical questions or tell a story about two other long term "friends" that ended up falling in love an living happily ever after...even if you have to make these two people up. It is a safe way to feel him out or get him to think about how he feels about your friendship. It might give him some ideas that you may want something more without coming out and admitting it. Everyone kind of knows when you start talking about another couple you are really talking about yourselves.
Maybe try that, it is a place to start.
A
female
reader, notsurewhereistand +, writes (5 November 2009):
notsurewhereistand is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice. I WISH it was as easy as just telling him how I feel. I have had male friends in the past, but never quite this close. I just really don't want to screw up a great friendship by revealing my feelings. TRUE, since we've been friends so long we should be able to talk about it, but if I'm reading way more into the friendship than he's been trying to tell me then I don't see anyway for things to continue on like they are now after I admit my true feelings. If I tell him how I feel and he's not feeling the same way then he's going to, understandably, have to step back and look at the way we interact and there's a good chance that it will change. Does anyone on here have an opposite sex friend that you are very close to with no romantic feelings involved? How does these friendships differ from 'friends' that you have a physical and emotional romantic feeling toward?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Considering the length of time that the two of you have known each other, you should just come out and ask him. From what I read, you two have shared just more than history, but things that are on a very deep level. The best thing that you can do is to come right out and ask him. If he states that he doesn't want anything more than the friendship, hey at least you still have a great friend. Please assure him that you value the friendship and you don't want that to change whatsoever. Take a deep breath, and let him know. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I don't think there is a 100% accurate way of telling how someone really feels about you, you can project your own feelings quite easily on another.
From what you are describing though, it does appear that he has some deeper feelings for you, or they are starting to develop.
He may be afraid of messing up the friendship if he reveals deeper feelings towards you because if you don't reciprocate it is hard to go back to being friends.
So, if you think you love this man, you have to decide if the risk is worth taking the leap to lose the friendship and no one can answer that but you.
If you would like to take the relationship to the next level and he hasn't done so, then it is up to you.
Next time you are saying goodbye and he puts an arm around your waist (this is something lovers do by the way) get close to him and go in for a kiss, let him meet you half way if you can.
I think that should get your feelings accross to him without talking about it and having an all too awkward conversation.
Friendship is a great foundation for a love relationship, so let things develop if you dare.
I hope things work out for you.
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