A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and I have what I thought was a crush on one of his friends, now Im not so sure. They arent really close friends, they just drink in the same group of lads. I just dont know what to do, I know I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I feel so guilty for feeling this way about this other guy, but I cant help feeling this way. I think about him all the time, but surely a crush would have disappeared or faded a bit as time passed, this has lasted almost a year and it is growing and I am even finding myself disliking my boyfriend sometimes just because he's not him. I am being so unfair with him. do i finish with him? and hope the other guy likes me too, or is this just a crush after all?
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (15 May 2008):
 No you're not too old to have a crush, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it - not as long as you recognise it for what it is.
Like Emivia says, it's lust. A year is quite a long time for something like that to last, but maybe that's because you haven't really got it in perspective? There will always be more sexually desirable people than the ones we choose as our partners, and if you can accept that and enjoy the feelings rather than feel guilty about them, I don't think it ought to be a problem. And really, there's no need for guilt once you have decided that your partner is the "permanent" one. Nearly all of us have, at some time or another, imagined being with someone else. For many of us it will have been some celebrity (I've never quite got over Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing"), but it can equally easily be a "real" person you meet. It's fantasy stuff, and not reality.
Accept it. Enjoy the fantasy. Just don't lose the reality of a boyfriend you love and who loves you... Only... sometimes... you can close your eyes and imagine it's.... Very naughty. But anyone who says they have never done it is probably lying.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): When you begin to go out with someone a hormone rushes around your body. It begins to fade after two years and that is when it is down to love not lust. You are not in love with this other man. It is just lust. In relationships it is normal to find other people attractive, but maybe not so much that you dislike your own boyfriend because it is not him.
If you did break up with your boyfriend for this man there is a possibility that he would feel too guilty to go out with you because you were going out with his friend, even if they not very close. He might feel it would be akward.
Even if you did get together then after a few years you would probably find yourself in the same possition again with another man.
If you decided to make a go of it with your boyfriend then try to take yourself away from social situations where his friend would be.
It is important that you do not resent your boyfriend for your dicision.
...............................
|
