A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am a gay woman and i feel a bit jealous my partner is starting to make new friends at work and sometimes meets up for a coffee with a couple of the straight women but doesnt take me and they text her often. i dont think they fancy my partner and i know she wouldnt fancy them i trust her that way im only jealous as shes never been a very social type of girl but lately becoming more social and having a drink now and again with work mates without including me. i did talk to her about this and she has said why am i being jealous and clingy she hasnt been out alone in the whole 7 months we been together so doing a couple of things now is what we should do now and again. she got moody about it and i do know i should be ok with all this and im being silly but cant help feeling the way i do. i feel jealous when friends text her as well. im in my 30s shes in her 40s.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): thanks for your replies and yes i do agree and can see this in a new light. i would like us also to share a life and the friendships together by going along with her sometimes but not everytime so its a bit of both.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 February 2015):
Dear OP,
For the sake of your relationship, please let your gf have a life of her own, and get some friends and hobbies as well!
I was together with a woman for many years, and it's unfortunate sometimes, when your partner becomes also your friend, best friend, only friend..
in the long run, it's a relationship killer. Because if you two don't have separate lives, you will be boring to each other, very soon. You'll become one of those symbiotic couples that do everything together and have nothing to talk about. It sounds like love at first, but it's a trap. It will become dull and annoying, and she'll resent you if you take away her freedom.
I know you can't just switch off those feelings of jealousy, but you have to be able to swallow them and be grown up. Really. That's the best advice I can give. Be brave. Allow the fear to be there, the fear of losing her, but don't take it out on her. Find out more creative ways to spend your time, than to always rely on her presence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2015): If you want to keep your girlfriend, don't smother her.
You can't monopolize all of her time and attention; and she's just hanging-out with co-workers. They'll be chatting about work, and you'll only feel left-out. You don't bring your romantic partners on after-work excursions. They are outings just for blowing off steam with your colleagues.
It helps build alliances and boosts morale within the workplace. It doesn't require monitoring or mediation from jealous partners.
Your only reason for wanting to be there, is to keep an eye on her; and to establish your "property and territory" with the other women. Studying everyone individually to make sure no one is interested in your girlfriend. Your jealousy will most likely be on display. You'll get bored with conversation you can't personally relate to and get fidgety. Then find reasons to drag her away.
Most jealous and insecure people cannot suppress their feelings but for so long, before they have to act out for attention. It goes without saying, you will feel compelled to draw all her attention to yourself. Once you decide you you can't keep-up and contribute to conversations with work-related topics; you'll feel like an outsider in the group. You already harbor resentment for those women for getting her attention; so everything will be centered around your feelings. Come on, you're an adult!
Jealousy is one of the top insecurities that quickly ends relationships. It becomes annoying and burdensome to put up with. You can make up all the excuses in the world for it, but it always comes down to possessiveness and self-centered behavior. People nowadays try to rationalize their immature behavior with the convenient excuse "they've been hurt." Well, everybody gets hurt. If their feelings are so fragile, people so afraid of being hurt should avoid being in adult-relationships. They are meant for stable and rational people who are able to handle them. People who realize there will be times when things aren't easy; but it won't traumatize them when that happens. Otherwise; you work on yourself, until you can handle a relationship with fewer unnecessary complications.
The healthiest thing you can do for a relationship is allow your partner to breathe, stretch, and grow. You should have your own interests, favorite group of friends, and appreciate your own freedom and independence. You should have activities you like to share with your own friends and other people you know.
Dependency starts to choke a relationship like over-grown weeds in a flower garden. You cannot sustain a relationship when you make a person feel they have to devote all their time to you. It's the quickest way I know to make your partner get tired of looking at you! Always clinging and pushed-up on top of them every minute of every hour.
It is likely your girlfriend will tire of the childishness, and she'll establish guidelines about spending time with her own friends and work-associates, and time with you. As for texting and messaging, if they aren't of a romantic-nature; they're none of your business.
At the rate you're going, I don't see the relationship surviving a full year. If it does, it will be because your girlfriend put her foot down.
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