A
female
age
51-59,
*ayley37
writes:Please help me,im 38 have been married and in long term relationships but I cant seem to be able to control my jealous streak.I know im insecure but i find it really hard to trust as I have been let down so many times by people really close to me.I have been seeing my new partner for 6months and have just moved in with him,everything was fine for a bit then he started to treat and talk to me quite badly.After asking him a few times he finally told me he was having trouble living with me.He then went on to say it was nothing id done etc it was just him,which has left me so confused.I got very upset and he said we just keep going see what happens.He tells me he loves me and that if I went he would regret it.One night while I was watching telly and doing some work on lap top he was sitting at desk in the same room on his pc,when I got up to go make tea i saw he was chatting to a woman on msn,she had her webcam on,he didnt.I got very upset and stormed out.He said he was only chatting and that he would never cheat on me,but why does he need to chat to other woman.I know he has alot of women friends on face book,thats okish,but he'd only just met this woman.I am jealous,and it has now spirraled out of control,he cant see it from my point of veiw as he said he was only chatting.I do love him and ive asked friends if i over reacted,most have said no they would feel the same way,apart from one who said that if he was flirting with her he wouldnt have been in the same room with you at the time.God please help,what with him saying he was finding it difficult living with me to this Im finding it all really hard.I love this man and dont know what to do.We have both lived on our own for awhile,him longer than me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I think you keep repeating the same mistakes so better get some counselling and get to the root of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Maybe you should get some counselling. I mean, jealousy and insecurity are very complicated and confusing feelings to sort out alone - I know from first hand experience!
I am a bit confused as to whether you were overreacting or not. For one, I would have been upset that if he had only just met her she had her webcam on. But on the other hand, your friend was right - if he was flirting with her, of if he had some other "intentions", then he wouldn't have been doing that in front of you, he would have sneaked around. So the fact that he is so open with his Internet usage should be seen as more of a positive thing, like he's honest and wantsyou to trust him.
All in all, I've realized that by being insecure and jealous I gain nothing. You just end pushing partners away. The problem with unfounded jealousy and insecurity is always with the self - I realized that I'm jealous and insecure because I'm not completely satisfied with myself, and that until I sort that out, I'll always feel that way. But it depends on me to become who I want to be. So now I'm trying to get my jealousy under control. It's really hard, so I recommend counselling. It can really help.
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