A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help - I'm scared our relationship is gonna end soon.I've been with my boyfriend nearly 8/9 months. We're both in love. But the problem is little things cause insecurities, arguments etc.He was with someone for 8 years before we got together. It has caused rows because I have been jealous that they have children together etc, etc.He is very jealous also and the other week he thought i fancied one of his mates (which I don't) then I got paranoid that he fancied one of my mates too.We go ok for about a week, then one of us will get insecure. We spend a lot of time together nearly 7 days a week and only have one night apart when he has his children once every two weeks (we don't live together). I have started to try and see my friends more, but let him come round later on say about 9 pm - after being round my friends for about 2-3 hrs.He doesn't really have many pals that he goes out with only one or two that he goes to see or plays pool with - then he will come to see me afterwards. Its like we can't bear to be apart but we also know that we need other people to make our relationship healthy, but it's hard to even want to make plans. Like I'd never make plans to go out to bars if he was free and didn't have his kids. Part of it is that I'm scared he is going to do the same and leave me stranded on my own one night with nothing to do except pine for him.We are both as insecure as each other and we're both worried this is not healthy. For example, we both worry if one of us suddenly wants to see a friend that either one of us is going off each other.We're both paranoid of attractions to others and this causes, not rows, but unsettledness and we seem to have the same reassuring discussions over and over again.Last night being one of them.Yesterday morning he woke up with this idea in his head that I've been 'different' for the past 2 days, so I must be going off him. I explained that I wasn't. But still it makes a bad feeling for us. Sometimes I may be distant but not cause of him. Sometimes it's me that wakes up or dwells on the fact that he has been distant and then we have the same reassuring discussion ALL OVER AGAIN!! I am so in love with him and he me. But at the same time how long can this carry on?I don't want to lose him, but is this relationshp doomed?
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female
reader, dijoyful +, writes (23 September 2010):
 I'm affraid if you both carry on this way the relationship will have nowhere to go but end! You both seem to have serious trust issues, weather this is from your childhoods or previous realtionships, do you both have feelings of abandonment that cause you both to be needy and insesure? Its good that you both reallise that you must spend time apart with friends and family, but in your present states of mind this seems only to be aggrevating the situation. I would strongly recommend councelling, it would be of great benefit to you both, and the best way forward to a happy and secure future together.
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