A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my Girlfriend have been actively in a relationship for a little over 2 years now. However we have expirenced a few problems in the relationship. The main of which being after a drunken text on my part to the wrong party, she has completely lost trust in me. This happened about 6 months into the relationship, and i thought we had worked past it. Apperently she still lacks trust because anytime a female friend of mine tries to hang out she gets pissy. She constantly calls my ex's whores and sluts while reassuring me that she is the prettiest girlfriend ive ever had and they are the jealous ones. She is also convinced that i smoke and drink when im not around her, both habits i can safely say that i have stopped. She goes through my emaials, she goes through my phone, and has even answered a call or two while ive been asleep. All this is beginning to stress me out more than usual, and it feel cluttered. Suggestions?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): I think you should question yourself as to why you sent an inappropriate text to another girl. You created this air of distrust so you don't get to decide when your girlfriend should be over it. If you have nothing to hide, then she should be able to look through your things. You need to be available to reassure her at all costs if you really want the relationship to work. If not, move on. Don't get married at this point on such a rocky foundation. Make sure all old wounds are healed and that the both of you can live with each others' past mistakes before you commit to marriage.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Wow, besides accusing you of still doing the vices you have given up, she goes through your phone, emails, and even answers your phone. Not to mention she's stooped to the level of calling your exs whores just to make herself feel better. By which just makes her look unattractive and childish. All over this drunken text? What did it say?
So she's a big green eyed jealousy monster, who's completely lost trust in you. Now have you tried to earn the trust back, doing things for her, always calling telling her where you are, not going to any parties without her, etc? I'd say even if you tried to earn back that trust she's not letting you regain it. My suggestion is break up with her, she doesn't make you happy and she's letting her insecurities take over. There's absolutely no trust, and that is something that is imperative to make a relationship function properly.
Or to sit her down and tell her it was one mistake, if she carries on like this the relationship is over..she has to let you regain trust. If she can't bring herself to work on that aspect then you know the answer.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Jealousy is learned and taught. This seems like insecurity to me, and something that you probably can't fix.
Sit down with her and discuss the way you feel. Tell her that you know that you've had issues with trust in the past and that you made a mistake (the text) once, but that you need to assure her that it was a simple mistake. Add to that that ultimately her lack of trust is frustrating, confusing and difficult to live with. That if she has no intention of forgiving you for a past indiscretion that she should let you know, once and for all.
Jealousy, and jealous behaviour, snooping etc is often a major relationship killer, because it is a clear indication of broken trust and a lack of communication. Are you willing to deal with her envy and jealousy permanently? Do you get the impression that this is temporary or something more longterm? Either way it is your option to respond as you see fit. But nobody should have to feel constantly scrutinized.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Well in this case dude i would say you made your bed now lay down in it... but i think she is the one with the problem it sounds like she is very insecure but why are you getting nervous if you arent doing anything wrong with these lady friends you have if i were you i would just break it off and let her know why then maybe she will try to control her behavior a little better because it sounds to me like you dont get any peace or privacy at all. Just let it go and move on.
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