A
male
age
36-40,
*rue
writes:Hello again Dearcupid!I've been going out with my girlfriend for now almost 2 and a half years, and everything is going great. My parents love her, her parents love me, my friends all like her, some of her friends like me. Except, at the start of this year she moved out with a friend whom she knew I didn't get along with well. She wanted to move out and I wasn't ready because i'm still studying (Almost finished just have placements to complete for my nursing - now :)). My girlfriend and I are 24, the roommate is 22.Anyway, I posted a question here that was answered by a few of you back in May. This roommate was causing a lot of issues, to what I believe is to purely try and remove me from the equation. My girlfriend is a very nice and down to earth bubbly girl, and has tried to do things with her roommate while also still seeing me as well. She always writes things on the board in the kitchen (including her roster for the week - she's on a rotating shift work roster) and makes an effort to communicate with her roommate as to when she can see her with her time off. Roommate is very poor at communicating back and then uses it against my girlfriend saying that she doesn't spend enough time with her.There had been no issues for months and months with this roommate regarding our relationship being affected, as I didn't give her opportunity to have an issue - I would simply say hello when I arrived at the house and then go into the girlfriends room, or outside etc. I would never stay in the same room as her. Because I know what she is like, at first my girlfriend really didn't like this, but she eventually realised why I was doing what I was doing. I did try and sort it all out before it reached this level but she refused to so that is why I went with this tactic of just avoiding the situation entirely. And now I get in trouble because when I'm there my girlfriend spends time with me. This roommate is just very manipulative and jealous in my honest opinion. My previous post has a lot more information regarding what was going on in previous months - (if interested in more backstory).The other night, my girlfriend and I had been out all day on her day off from work shopping, going to the movies, going out for dinner, etc. We got home at 8:40pm. I said hello to the roommate and went into the girlfriend's room, ready to relax after a nice day, etc. The roommate bailed my girlfriend up and said that they needed to 'talk' and that it needed to be right then. Girlfriend came in and told me and I sighed and said okay.She was in there talking/yelling with/to her for 2 hours, and it was around about 11 when she finaly came back to bed. I was obviously annoyed by the whole thing, but I knew it wasn't her fault - she was being manipulated. We had an argument and I felt really bad, but I knew that it was because she spent time with me, and deep down I knew the roommate was doing this because my girlfriend has been very happy the past few months. I walked to have a cigarette and I saw the roommate just sitting on the couch pretending to play with her phone, I believe she was just eavesdropping the drama she knew she would cause.I sat up until 6am that night unable to sleep just furious that this was happening again, after having such a wonderful day.I haven't seen my girlfriend for now 2 nights (which is fine I guess.. but usually this would not be occuring and I just feel as though she's being guilted into it)- after having the other night ruined as well - all due to this manipulative person who hates seeing other people happy in a relationship. As stated in my previous post, she has 'open relationship' with 2 guys at the moment, neither of them she spends any quality time with, and they are no where near a boyfriend, and I just feel she is jealous of what my girlfriend and I have.Obviously the easiest way to fix the problem is to move in with my girlfriend so we're by ourselves, which we both want really badly. We've been talking about marriage etc in the future (when i'm more financially stable with my career etc), but I simply can't afford to do that right now. I would love to hear your opinions on what you think I should do, if i'm in the wrong, anything. I'm just getting so fed up with it all.Thank you for reading and please let me know if you have any opinions or ideas about this mess!Krue
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): I am in the exact same position as your girlfriend right now.I too have and extremely jealous, bitter, and clingy (single, sleeps around a lot) roommate who despises me being with my boyfriend, even though he's a great guy - friendly, talks to her, and we've all been out together a couple of times !My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years, we started dating right after I moved in with my roommate nearly 2 years ago. Everything was fine. My bf and i broke up in July of this year for about 2 months due to some things beyond our control. During that time my roommate and I spent all our free time together (due to her always wanting to hang out).At the beginning of September, my bf and I reconciled, and things have been amazing so far between us. Things between my roommate and I have fallen apart. She started acting cold, bitter, rude, etc. no matter how much time I spent with her. She claims that all I want to do is spend time with my bf. She says that she doesn't care if we hang out because she knows I'm going to hang out with my bf after, etc. She is absolutely whacked out, I would understand if my bf was a douche or cheated on me or abused me or we were joined at the hip 24/7, but we're not. We see each other 3-4 times a week for a couple of hours at a time, and usually spend a full day together on the weekend. That's it. My roommate and I LIVE together for god sakes.But no matter my efforts to include her in my life, it will never be enough for her as long as my bf is in the picture.I finally lost it on her 2 days ago, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This manipulative, bitter person finally got a taste of her own medicine. She is not my friend anymore and soon, she won't be my roommate anymore. I would tell your girlfriend to stand up to her roommate And move out ! Because these types of people will suck the life out of everyone around them with their negativity. Don't let the roommate get in between you guys, because she is the one who is alone, not you and your gf. Stay strong and supportive until your girlfriend cuts all ties with her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): This situation is not healthy at all!
You and your girlfriend have the blessing of everyone that is important: your respective parents, some friends, etc.
This roommate of hers needs to get a life - of her own! She does not own her, and cannot control her like that. There is a time and place for everything and everyone. You should have freedom to enjoy a day together without her getting home and being bossed around for 2 hours - that is unacceptable.
She needs to set some boundaries, and the roommate must respect it, or else the only alternative is for your girlfriend to move out. You are not in a financial position to move in together, perhaps she can room elsewhere - where you will have freedom.
All of us need to balance the time with your significant others, our families, and our friends, but none of them can make demands like this roommate is, over her free time.
You are not wrong, or doing anything wrong, on the contrary, you are being patient abiding by this!!!
Your girlfriend has to be strong, and gain her independence back!
Good Luck finding alternative accommodation for her!
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