A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am soon to be 50. I have beautiful children and a low income in a job that is not a career. Have always had a turbulent relationship with both my parents. My mother died recently and my father became manipulative and abusive towards me - he is very controlling and it has taken me years to realise I have suffered a lot of my life from the effects of what I can only describe as his mental health issues. Last Christmas he physically punched me in the face and I took the decision not to have further dealings with him. This caused conflict with my sister who felt I should continue to see him due to his age and just accept all that had gone on. All my other relatives feel I have done wrong by not seeing him and it was a very upsetting year as I was isolated from them. This Xmas I went to visit him to make the peace and rather than him welcoming me, he was verbally cruel and taunted me - I tried to talk to him about how proud I was of my achievements as a mother and was ridiculed. How do I move on from this, as I know I will not see him again. It's like a vicious circle of wanting something - his love I expect that I will never have and am now anxious depressed and feel I have wasted 20 years of my life trying to be good enough for someone who I will never be good enough for . He is comfortably off financially and has the whole family supporting him so o do not feel guilt, i think it's just sadness that he cannot be in my life . Thank you for reading
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 Off course it is going to be difficult for you, we all want our dads to love us. Even though he was physically abusive you still want him to apologize and tell you he loves you. Although I cannot see that happening any time soon. Therefore you are right you need to let go. You need to make peace with yourself and let him go. Explain to family how hard this has been. From the inside looking in they probably just want the family to be reunited. But it is not fair on your mental health. You need to look after yourself first and foremost.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): He physically assaulted you. You have put up with emotional abuse for years. He will have the whole family dancing to his tune. Stay away from the abuse. It will drag you under. Other people like neat tidy relationships. Let them take on the burden. Maintain strong boundaries and set yourself free. Salvage your sanity!!!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 January 2017):
 Part of the trouble with New Year is that is a time to look back before moving on. You are doing that with your life. No more looking back. Don't hold regrets. You did what you have done for good reasons. Now is the time to concentrate on what you want to do without him in the equation.
You need to wring every ounce of enjoyment out of your life - YOUR LIFE!
It matters not what others think. They are not in your shoes. You may feel it is worth talking to your GP and getting some counselling. There is no shame in this. My personal opinion is not to be fobbed off with antidepressant tablets. Too many GPs prescribe these as a temporary quick fix. You may not feel you are depressed, but talking to a health professional will benefit you and prepare you for your new start.
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