A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I been with my girlfriend for 4 years now, she is 26 and I am 30. All that time she has never liked sex but does it just for me, once a month, always the week before her period.The thing is, I want it to last a few hours at least as we hardly do it. But once she has cum, thats it, I cant go near her vagina again. And once I have cum she takes that to mean its done and over.Ive explained that women and men can cum more than once and there lots of play and touch and feeling we can do to and sex should be fun too. But she just wants a quick one so she can tick the box and say we had sex.Sex isn't everything in a relationship but I want more than she will give.I suggested we see a relationship therapist but she dont want to know.What else can I do because its so frustrating?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): When I'd been in this relationship four years, we were having sex pretty much any time we had the opportunity. Now it's closer to 30 years, and it's more like once in two months. On that trend line, things aren't looking too promising for your future sex life.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 I have to question why you are with this woman. You are 30 and she is 26. You guys should be having sex a LOT more often than once a month. Personally, I don't know how you deal with it. Was it always like this?I think there is more going on here than what meets the eye. Was your girlfriend abused when she was younger? Is she attracted to you? Do she have qualms about the morality of premarital sex? Or is it simply that her libido is low? Do you make sure she gets an orgasm? Do you make her feel good or is all about you?To be honest, I don't know how you do it. Once a month wouldn't satisfy me at all and after 4 years, I don't think the quantity is going to get any more -- in fact, 4 years from now I'd be willing to be you'll be on the once a year schedule.If you've honestly tried everything to rev her up and you've talked to her about it, I think you need to make a decision. Can you live with this? From the sounds of it, it would appear that you are having major doubts and I'd be willing to be in another 4 years down the line, you are going to resent her for withholding sex from you.You guys are due for a frank one on one and you need to make a decision if you are comfortable with a woman with what appears to be a very low sex drive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Sex isn't everything as long as you both agree on that fact , if one wants more it will always cause problems. This isn't going to go away, in fact it will get worse.
How is the rest of your relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Your girlfriend still loves you but is no longer IN LOVE! hence the sexual intimacy for her has ended. This is very sad indeed. Generally once a woman loses her desire to be intimate with her partner/husband - it is gone forever unless there is an underlying health issue. Once its gone its gone. I also feel for her because to allow you to be intimate wth her for the wrong reasons is damaging to her long term mental health. To be submissive for another person's needs can feel like rape with devastating long term damage. This is no way your fault. Perhaps take her somewhere like a park and have a serious chat about feelings. Perhaps she is afraid to leave, perhaps she doesnt want to hurt you but you are both hurting anyway one way or other.You need to man up and face reality that perhaps you need to end this to move forward for both of your sakes. You wouldnt be the first couple to end up like a brother and sister. Relationships can run there course, Lust dies Love grows.
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 I'm assuming that you've worked at seduction, worked at doing things to get her in the mood like massages and flowers and all the usual things that people suggest.
The thing that jumped out was "she has never liked sex but does it just for me".
I think for a lot of people sex drive is pretty fixed, at least over relatively short periods of time and within a given relationship. She's been like this since the word go, and it's been four years. You've told her how you feel, and you've suggested counselling, which isn't something that people do lightly.
So either the relationship doesn't work sexually for her, or, more likely, she just fundamentally isn't interested. In other words, there's probably nothing you can do to change things. Sounds like she's been honest about it, and so you know what the future holds with her.
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