A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 9yrs and we have been together for 14yrs. We have a 12yr old son beautiful home. Gave her everything surprises, gifts, parties, vacations. We were head over hills about each other, but we also had financial problems at times. But in the beginning of marriage I have to admit after time I took advantage of my wife. I did step up totally as a husband, don't get me wrong I loved her unconditionally.. But I admit, I started slacking. But I still knew she was the woman of my dreams, but we disagreed a lot. After 9yrs of marriage, On my birthday we got into a big argument and I left and we separated. I left her the house: I'm living with a family member. Its been 7 months now. She wants a divorce; we've been intimate only 3 times. I've sent roses; teddy bears; taken her to dinner; movies ect.. Everything. I miss her and want us back and I feel I can be a better husband. I've told her and showed her and she knows how I feel. She says I have turned her off from trying so hard. She won't give me the time of day now. She says we would have to start a friendship, but she won't give me the time of day alone to start a friendship even though I want more. [Moderator's note: IF possible, tell us what the big argument was about, it might help the readers have a better grasp of the situation. Thanks.]
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): You've tried pursuing her and she told you she resented you because you're practically begging her to come back to you. So insisting that she return to you is back firing on you. It's having he opposite effect.
Just tell her that you WILL change your behavior.
Tell her that you messed up.
Tell her not to divorce yet but to think about the fact that you have realized that you just want her even though there are so many other woman that catch your eye.
Ask her what you have to do for her to change her mind.
Then leave her alone. Let her think about what you've said and if she wants to give you another try she will contact you but for now just lay off and STOP PURSUING HER.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question7mnths Separated & its been 3mnths since she claimed she filed a divorce. I did sign the papers she asked me too. But also I feel I pressured her: because I stated if were not working ths out now, I give up. Which I did say but didn't mean, its very hard not to think about her. Because of the history; 9yrs married/ together 14yrs. I feel like if I wouldn't have left. We would still be together but still having issues. I have to admit this separation has taught me a lesson. From ths type of situation can u just be friends at first & still have emotions. From a womans point of view I wonder what she really want.. Or am I in denial?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question7mnths Separated & its been 3mnths since she claimed she filed a divorce. I did sign the papers she asked me too. But also I feel I pressured her: because I stated if were not working ths out now, I give up. Which I did say but didn't mean, its very hard not to think about her. Because of the history; 9yrs married/ together 14yrs. I feel like if I wouldn't have left. We would still be together but still having issues. I have to admit this separation has taught me a lesson. From ths type of situation can u just be friends at first & still have emotions. From a womans point of view I wonder what she really want.. Or am I in denial?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe argument was about me not feeling wanted like before. Some times we were happy together & sometimes we wasn't. But we still cared & loved each other, maybe because of the history we've had. I'm 37 & she's 35. Also about me wanting more affection from her. And about gaining trust back within both of us. She never admited having a afair nor have I. Nor I have any proof, but I've tried to find out. But never had any evidence; But she found out twice that I was spying on her. She was furious & I really blame myself, because I would be aswell. But she seemed so distance and I just wanted to know if she was cheating. Which I feel made me distance. We did keep a private life with our cell phones. Which now I don't think we should have. Being married I've realize you have to be as one totally. This separation has open my eyes to wantng to be a better husband if I had the chance. Its also put a lot of temptation that is very hard sometimes. And I'm confused because I want my marriage back. But my wife shows no sign now that she wants me. And the temptations that's around me, I don't want to miss out from someone wanting & showing that they want me. And I'm wishng it was my wife that felt like this about me. See in the beginning of dating & 1st few yrs of marriage I didn't want all the holding & intimate time as much. Don't get me wrong she was my dream woman & very much in love. But now that I look back, its a lot of things & ways I would have changed. And I just don't know how to recandle our marriage. I still try, because I feel if I don't show interest, I will lose her totally if I already haven't. I would do just about anything to have us back together..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): She told you that she despises you because you have tried so hard to get her back. What does this tell you? One that she thinks she is too good for you.If she's being this difficult why do you try so hard? If you want to set someone free let them go and if she wants you she'll come back, if not good riddance. If you become a beggar for her love, as you are now, it can only get worse.
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (30 November 2009):
 You're living away from her so what about starting a friendship by being sending emails daily, or almost daily. When you take your son out, take some time to talk to her.
If she won't give you the time of day alone, what about a dinner party with a group of friends for a relaxed enviornment.
Have a complete start over, act around her as you would with anyone you just met and are begining a friendship with. It may take time, but if it is what it will take for her to take you back then you should do so.
I really wish you the best of luck for this
xx
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A
male
reader, russ22222  +, writes (30 November 2009):
stop all contact, trust me it works, she will come running
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