A
male
age
36-40,
*imbo305
writes:Well, this is a long one, so I'll post a quick summary below but if you have the time to read it all I hope you do.There's a girl that I met three years ago in college. She was a beautiful girl that was down to earth and I loved her personality. When we first met, I thought she was really into me. She would sit on my lap or cuddle with me when we watched movies either alone or with friends. She even wanted me to go back home with her one weekend but I decided not to. But, there was a Halloween party that we hung out as casual friends at and then at the end of the night when I brought her back to my dorm room I told her she could pass out on an extra bed but instead she decided to sleep with a guy in a different dorm room.A few weeks pass and I find out that she didn't have sex with him, but they still "did things". Turns out that she loves to make out with a lot of guys when she gets drunk and maybe "some other things". Regardless, I decided to ask her on a date. Want to know how to screw that up? Let her drive and after driving around not being able to find a place you settle on going back home and ordering pizza. She barely wanted to talk to me that night, so I apologized the next day for being weird and she said it was okay.After that, we were friends. Hung out at lunch sometimes, and with friends, but strangely enough I yelled at her a couple times when I got really drunk about absolutely nothing. I have a history of being an angry drunk but I could not understand why I would do that. This led to just us hanging out one time in our second year of college at her birthday party in the winter. She got a boyfriend that year and grew up quite a bit from her old self. I was very happy for her and glad we were friends.Then, our 3rd year was us hanging out a lot, and it went from good to absolutely terrible. She broke up with her boyfriend when the school year started, and she could not get over it. She would talk to me and all her friends over and over about it. And the more heartbroken I saw her, I really felt for her because it was her first real love, something that's hard for anyone to get over. That's when I could tell that besides complaining about her ex every day, she was much more mature than she used to be, she presented herself very well, works out, looks even more gorgeous than she used to, but most importantly she kept that personality that was easy to talk to. So, I started getting those feelings for her again.I gave her flowers for her birthday, which she loved, but then when I asked her out on a date, she declined, saying that she "ate too much that week". Pissed off from the response, I made the horrible decision of going home with a randomgirl that really wanted me at a party that this girl was at. This girl even told me that I should go home with her. So I did, and I think that's what killed everything.Since then, it's been weird between us, and I've acted like a completely pathetic fool with her. I've texted some nasty things to her, but apologized to her for it. At parties, she'd just give me high fives or throw up the peace sign at me but she'd never talk to me. I finally told her how I developed feelings for her and she told me she knew but didn't know how to deny me without hurting me. But since I told her I still wanted to be friends, she was happy about that and we should hang out more. Well, that was your usual canned response. When we hung out, it was still awkward, and if we ever happened to be alone together she'd just walk away from me. So, I wanted to avoid her as much as possible, and I didn't talk or hang out with her for the last few months of the school yer.Over the summer, I finally came to the realization we would never, ever go out no matter how much I wanted to. But I still thought about her every day. When she came back this past weekend, I was really drunk, and instead of yelling or doing anything like that, apparently I was over-friendly with her, and started hugging her a lot. Of course, she hated that. I also learned that she recently got a new boyfriend too. So, just last night I sent her another message on Facebook saying I couldn't do anything right with her and I would delete her until I grew up and could actually hang out with her like a decent human being. Apparently I didn't go through with deleting her Facebook, and unless she does it to me (I wouldn't blame her one bit) I won't be doing it. That wouldnt solve anything. But it's the simple fact that I was dumb enough to even say that to her made me realize I need help.Okay, thank you to all that read that long story, and now my question: What in the world do I do? No matter how long I stay detached to her, I'll think about her. I can't act normal around her at all when I'm drunk or sober. I even would hate someone like me saying so much crap to her. I'd hate them forever, and I don't blame her one bit for hating me. I want her to at least not hate me, and it makes me wish she never met me. I've been a coward to her for so long, but I have no idea how to stop doing that crap. If I just ignore her like I did before, that won't stop me from thinking about her. I hate it so much. If there is anything possible to help re-do our friendship or at least make her not hate me anymore, what should I do? Has anyone ever gone through this? What steps did you take to repair things?Thanks to everyone in advance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): Hello there, I am kinda in the same situation as you buddy, not sure whether to completly forget about her and erase her from my life or to hang on and wait for her to like me in the same way. It's a complete mind fuck sometimes isn't it! in reality i think it's never going to happen with this girl, it's not what u want to hear but the longer you expect something to happen the less likely it will. Im glad im not the only guy going through this. Get yourself out there and meet a nice girl who doesn't mess you around and play games.Take it easyDarren
A
male
reader, jimbo305 +, writes (24 August 2009):
jimbo305 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the response. I do have other groups of friends to hang out with, so I think I might just decline the invites from some of her group of friends until I'm ready. I am horrible at telling a lot of people about my problems with her, and I am doing exactly what she did when she broke up with her ex. I guess I just think that if I tell people then they'll tell her and maybe she would understand...but I realize that's probably not the best way to do this.
As a follow-up, she did respond to my message, saying simply that she didn't hate me and that I was overreacting. I only responded with I'm sorry that I said that and I'm not really deleting you. Yeah, I know I'm completely overreacting about everything, and she's never liked me at all like I do with her...but I guess I'm just addicted to her. It helped when she was gone this summer and I found another girl to think about but when things turned really sour with that I went right back to thinking about her again. Grrr...it's already affected me on the first day of classes, but I might add another class to just force myself not to think about her. Thank god football season is coming up too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I know you said you're having trouble with detatching yourself from her...but I think you do need to give yourself some space from her. Stop mentioning anything to do with relationships to her or anything about a relationship with her to anyone else.
As everyone else thinks you're over her maybe it will be easier to convince yourself that you are over her, then slowly re-introduce yourself to her as a friend and work from there.
I'm sorry this has been such a mess for you but I'm sure you will find someone else who is perfect for you in the end. Goddluck
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