A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for almost 15 years, we were both quite young when we men 18/20. I was his first sexual partner.All couples have ups and downs, we have managed to get through most problems.Of course the usual things bother me although I am open minded, have tried most things in the bedroom. I still have a problem with porn use, looking at other women and lack of intimacy and trust.Things have been pretty bad for the past three years whilst living together. I found he had accessed NSA dating websites and viewing more extreme porn behind my back( we would also watch it together).This hurt me pretty bad as I also have depression and at the time had put on weight due to medication-THANKS!So after confronting him he blamed my weight gain for this behaviour and said nothing had happened with these other women. I had no proof anyhow.I still have trouble believing him as he is a pretty determined/driven guy.Also around this time I noticed him being rather indiscreet when it came to checking out other women-usually thin, blond/Asian in-front of me. But of course he still doing it and still denying it and I am just so fed up of telling him.I am at literall breaking point over this, I can't bear to go out as women dress so provocatively how is he not supposed to notice?Don't get me wrong I am pretty size 12- 14 big boobs and bum, long brown hair. But when there s a size 8 scantily clad blonde around-girls forget it!!The recent problem now is meeting other women for coffee/ lunch which he says is 100% innocent as they are married/university students where he works, but I read an e-mail between them although there was nothing sexual, it was like a date to me.Now I have told him no more female friends, which he says is unacceptable to him. Is he taking the piss with me or what?I don't want to be jealous or too heavy handed over things but I am not being made a fool out of either.Why do I feel like I never get the truth?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): It's alright saying you would not put up with a guy like this. All men look/drool at other women-even yours! if not in real life then in the media. And most if not all men look at porn if you know about it or not. I have chosen to have my eyes open and ok I don't like a lot of what goes on in some aspects. But I don't see that being with a different guy would eradicate these things completely.
I recognise things are warning signs but it isn't all bad as things never are black or white or I would have left 3 years ago.
I have just stated I can't tolerate anymore crap from him.
Thanks for your thoughts.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 April 2009):
Female friends are fine and you should be able to trust a boyfriend with them.
However, I wouldn't trust YOUR boyfriend as far as I could throw him. He's constantly staring at other women, pushing the limits, doing things behind your back and ANY man who tells you that this is YOUR fault for putting on weight is not worth being with.
Is he really worth all this hurt?
It sounds as though the entire relationship is about his pleasure at the moment.
Are you sure this is all you are worth? Because I have to say I would have split up with this guy a long while ago.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): if you have a gut feeling that your man is cheating there are ways to find out. websites etc.....however do you have amy male friends? if you do your being hypocrtical. guys watch porn, its how they work, it sucks yeah, b/c it makes a women feel unattractive and inadequte. but maybe he has an addicfion? a rapid change in weight effects a guys perspective, looking at porn isnt a trust issue, you shouldnt get upset about it, definently talk to him. it is strange that he is meeting these women, but does he tell you about it?? maybe ask if you could join them and see if there is anything that points to a further (sexual) relationship, get a feel for what they are, maybe they are just friends, if they are just friends, then he should have no problem w/ you meeting them.
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